As Good As It Gets - 24

From that moment on, we knew we were going to be together. Not one word was said, we just slipped into our roles easily and perfectly as though we had trained for it our entire lives.

One day, after our regular coffee and books, we walked around aimlessly talking about this and that when Vikram’s voice took a sudden serious tone.

“I have to tell you something.” He stopped in the middle of the footpath and turned to me.

“What, what is it?” I asked, dreading what was coming.

“I think I’ve decided what I want to do.” He said.

“That’s great! What is it?”  Relief flooded through me. This had been a bone of contention between us. I could never ask him directly but his lack of interest in pursuing a career was something that bothered me a lot. As a friend I had been infinitely patient, but now that we were more than just friends, I wanted to make sure he didn’t lose any opportunities.

“Not now, I’ll know by tomorrow. Is it okay if I tell you tomorrow?” I wondered why he was being so secretive about it.

I clutch his hand tight and gave him my best smile. “You’ll be great at whatever you decide to do..” Probably before saying it, I had just wanted to say something that would make him feel good about himself, but now, as I said it, I realized that it was true, Vikram was the type of guy who gave his hundred percent each and every time. Anything he decided to put his mind to, he could do and do well.

“You think so?” He asked. I could tell he was apprehensive about his decision.

“Yes.” I said simply, squeezing his hand.

A smile lit his face and he whispered in my ear, “Thank you..”

“For what?” I asked, confused.

“For not pestering me to tell you what it is. I know how difficult that must be for you.” He gave me a quick hug and turned back to leave.

“Wait!” I struggled with myself. I really really really wanted to ask him what it was that he could tell me tomorrow and not today. I swallowed my impatience and gave him a peck, “All the best, for whatever it is you have to do tomorrow.”

 He smiled, nodded gently and walked off. I spent the rest of the day wondering what Vikram was up to. I resisted the temptation to ask the others. Chances were, if I didn’t know, they didn’t either.

The next day, I got a very strange call from Vikram.

“I don’t think I can make it today. Okay if I take a raincheck?” He didn’t sound too good.

“What’s wrong Vikram?” I was immediately concerned.

“Nothing, just feeling under the weather, I’ll be okay tomorrow. I’ll see you then.” With that he hung up.

I stared at the phone for a couple of seconds and then made for the door. If he wasn’t going to come meet me, I was going to his place.

I was a favorite with his mum. She used to dote on me. She smiled as she opened the door.

“He’s in his room, very upset. Do you know why?” She asked me. I shook my head.

“But I’ll find out.” I said, as I knocked on Vikram’s door. When I didn’t get a response, I turned the door knob. It was unlocked. I peeped inside. He was sitting on front of his laptop, with his headphones on. I walked up to him and ran a hand through his hair.

He turned around, surprised at the gesture. His face relaxed into a smile when he saw me.

“Hey..” He said, pulling off his headphones. “What are you doing here?”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Nothing..” He tried to change the topic. “Do you want to try this game? It’s pretty good.” He pointed towards his laptop.

“Vikram!” I said sternly. He looked at me, surprised, “What’s going on. What did you want to tell me yesterday?” I asked.

Vikram sighed and handed me a CD.

“What is this?” I asked, examining the CD, nothing was written on it. “I told you, I don’t want to play that game.”

“Go home, listen to it and tell me what you think.” He instructed.

“But I..” I started to protest.

“Talk to me, after you have listened to it.” I waited for a moment and then when I realized he was serious, I rushed back home and put the CD on.

It was his music. I had no idea he was so talented. I was blown away. By the time the CD got over, I was already in love with all the tracks on it.

I called Vikram immediately, “That was mind blowing!! I never knew..!” I exclaimed.

“Thanks.”

“So is this what you want to do?”

“Yeah.. But I tried making some recording firms listen to it. They didn’t like it.”

“They didn’t?” I was shocked! How could anyone not like it!

“Yeah, so now I’m thinking of other areas to explore.” He sounded so dejected.

“Vikram, I thought it was brilliant. And if I thought it was brilliant there must be hundreds of people who will too. You just have to keep trying.” I was trying to pep him up.

“I don’t know. I was pretty crushed by their criticism.” He said half heartedly.

“Nobody’ going to hand you success on a plate Vikram, you have to rough it out sometimes.”

“Okay. I’ll think about it.” With that he abruptly hung up.

Vikram took up music full time after that conversation.

 One year later, when he got his first album deal, he proposed and I accepted.

As Good As It Gets - 23

I wander the streets of my fair city alone. I pulled out my phone a number of times only to put it back. If time was what he wanted, I would give him that.

It had begun to rain a little. The light drizzle didn’t bother me. I smiled as I saw people rushing to get some shelter. I put out my hand, enjoying the feel of the cool droplets on my hand. Somehow, I felt that the rain was going to wash away all my sorrows.

One hour later, when I had had enough of the rain, I stepped inside a warm little coffee shop. I looked around in surprise.. Somehow, I had wandered into my old hangout. Everything was exactly the same.

For the millionth time I wondered where he was. He would have been so thrilled to be back here.  

I ran a hand through my wet hair, most of the tables were occupied by couples. I stepped right back out. I didn’t have the strength to see people parading their happiness in front of me.

As I walked in the familiar yet forgotten street, I knew there was one place I just had to visit. I stood outside the bookstore, shivering in the rain, debating whether to go in or to walk away while I still could when someone from the inside beckoned to me.

Surprised, I walked in. It was the old shop keeper.

“Why are you standing in the rain. You can come inside..” He invited me inside. I smiled politely and stepped inside. I was just rubbing my arm trying to make myself warm when his assistant got us a cup of tea.

“Thank you so much!” I said, I was touched by his concern for me. I saw him looking at me carefully and after a moment he exclaimed, “You stopped coming to my shop!”

I hadn’t really expected him to recognize me. It had been a couple of years since we had stopped coming here. We had discovered the joys of ordering books online.

“You remember me?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes, yes.. you’re the girl who used to buy all those classics!” He said, proud as a punch that he had got it right.

Those classics.. Which Vikram used to make me buy. An involuntary smile touched my face.

“Yeah.. That’s right.” I said with a bright smile.

“Finish up fast, and then you can go meet your friend..” He pointed at the cup of tea in my hand.

“My friend?” I asked, confused.

“Yes.. He’s on the 2^nd floor. I was so happy to see him too..” He smiled broadly and then his smile began to droop as he saw the expression on my face.

“You know your friend is here don’t you?” He asked.

“Which friend?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper now.

“The friend you used to come in with.” He said, puzzled, that I was asking this question.

“He’s here?!” I didn’t wait for his answer. I ran two floors up and walked through the narrow alleys trying to locate the familiar face.

And I found him. In the classics section. He was holding a copy of “Animal Farm.”

There he was, my husband, in the all too familiar checked shirt and bulky glasses.  

As Good As It Gets - 22

Slowly, I learnt to live without Aditya haunting me. First it was a couple of hours, then a couple of days started passing by without his thought entering my head. I took it as a good sign and plunged into life. I threw myself into all kinds of activities, dance classes, foreign language classes, volunteering at an animal shelter. Anything I could do to keep my mind occupied.

College got over and everyone started going their different ways. I kept in touch with my girls, but I really didn’t care about the rest of the college crowd. I was far too affected by what they thought of me to want to keep in touch.

My regular trips to the bookstore never ended. Every Sunday, I would find myself in the same bookstore but slowly, it became more about Vikram than about the books. I never realized when it happened. When Vikram and I started hanging out beyond the book store, beyond the coffee.

In fact, it was Aditya who made me realize the importance of my new relationship, which I didn’t know existed.

We both got through the same company when college ended.

Vikram didn’t participate in any of the placements.. He wanted to do his own thing and I used to marvel at his guts to rebel against everything we had ever been taught and make his own stand. Must study-Get good grades-Get placed- Earn good moolah.

Aditya saw me sitting across the room waiting for the offer letters to be distributed. He walked over to me awkwardly.

“Still mad?” He smiled. I had to smile back. He still had a great smile.

“Congrats!” I said. We both had a job now.

“Right back at you..” He said. I nodded and looked down at the bunch of papers I held in my hands.

“So we are going to be colleagues. Exciting huh?” I looked up, wondering why he was starting a conversation with me. I smiled politely.

“Maybe we should catch up sometime?” Aditya asked.

“Why?” The question was out before I could stop myself.

He looked taken aback at the vehemence with which I asked him why he wanted to catch up.

“Lets just say I’ve been thinking about you lately.”

I stared at him. Who did he think he was?!

“Anagha!” his voice snapped me back to the moment. “Say something..” He smiled again. And this time, his smile didn’t male make me smile.

Suddenly conscious of my silence he asked “Are you seeing someone?”

I was about to shake my head negatively when I saw Vikram.

 It was late, and he had come to accompany me back home safely.

“I’m with him.” I said softly, and I found myself wishing that I was seeing him.

That night as Vikram walked me home, something had changed. I knew my perception of him had changed. Maybe he understood that and morphed with it. The only outward sign of the change in our relationship was his hand holding mine gently and protectively. 

As Good As It Gets - 21

There was nothing left for me to do. After picking up after my husband and the mess he had made throwing things around yesterday, I stepped out to meet my girls. Even on my worst days, they could make me feel good. And after the treatment that was doled out to me today morning, I needed a pick me up.

But before that, I had an important thing to take care of.

I reached before the scheduled time. It was a beautiful day, bright and sunny so unlike what I was feeling. I felt the warm sunbeam on me and it dissipated some of the darkness and gloom inside me. I ordered some hot chocolate for myself and pulled out a book.

I was midway when I heard a familiar voice.

“Hey.. I’m so glad you called.” I looked up from my book and smiled.

Anurag settled in the chair in front of me.

“Thank you for coming.” I said.

Anurag gave me a puzzled look and pulled out the book from my hands. “What’s with all the formality?”

An awkward silence descended on the table as the waiter came with our orders.

“So..” Anurag cleared his throat, “You still at Ann’s place?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“Oh.” The disappointment was apparent on his face, “Then why’d you call me?”

The smile was gone, replaced by a frown.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” I said slowly.

“About what?” He put down the coffee mug that he was holding.

“This is not easy for me, so don’t interrupt okay?” I asked, my eyes searching his.

“Hey” He said, his voice full of concern, “What’s wrong?”

“Us.” I said simply.

“Us?” he looked confused. “There is no us.”

“Exactly.” I put my hand on his arm. “I want you to understand that there is no us,  there never was an us,  and there never will be an us.”

“What are you talking about?” He pulled his hand away. I knew I had offended him.

“Look, Anurag.” I began, “I don’t know what you expect out of.. ” he hushed me into silence.

“I don’t expect anything from you. We are just friends.” he said gravely. “And I’m okay if we stay that way.”

I sighed. It felt as though a great responsibility had been lifted off my shoulders.

“So you’re still going to be around?” I asked softly.

“Of course silly.” He laughed. He got up and ruffled my hair, “Okay, I have to get going. My flight leaves in some time. Call me.” With one last hug, he left. I couldn’t tell for sure if it was the last time I would be meeting him.

I let him go, even though I knew his flight wasn’t for another five hours.