As Good As It Gets - 15 - Home Sweet Home

I lay awake in Ann’s guest room long after midnight. I knew Ann thought I was making a big mistake. But to me, it felt right. Suddenly the shackles of responsibilities started falling off my shoulders. I didn’t have to answer to anyone or expect anything from anyone anymore.

I was free.

 I turned to my side, and felt my phone vibrate.

Anurag was calling. I squinted my eyes and checked the time on my watch. It was fifteen minutes past two.

I debated whether I should answer his call or not. And then I thought, what the heck, I was bored and unable to sleep.

“Hey Anurag, what’s up, everything okay?” I forced some cheer in my voice.

“Wow, that was fake.” Came back the prompt reply.

I smiled despite myself.

“So why are you calling me this late?” I asked.

“To see if you’d answer. And since you answered, I’m guessing he’s not around. So what’s going on?” He was remarkably astute.

“Oh nothing much, I stayed over at Ann’s.”  I tried to downplay it.

Did not work.

“You what? Did you guys fight? I hope it wasn’t because of me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” I jested.

We both laughed half heartedly. Despite the humorous tone of our conversation, we were both aware of the unsaid things.

“Anagha..” He said kindly.

I couldn’t bear it, “I don’t think I love him anymore..”

There was silence at the other end.

“I am sick of waiting for his attention. Just sick of living for those moments which never come. We’re like strangers who live together. I don’t even know what  he does the whole day. I doubt he cares what I do! Is it wrong? To ask for a little affection? It shouldn’t be this difficult should it? I have put aside everything for him. Everything. And he can’t give me a little bit of his time? That’s pathetic.”

Still no response.

“Hello?” I said tentatively.

“I’m here. Wow Anagha, you sound so selfish.”

I stopped, shocked. Selfish? Me?

“What are you saying? How does this make me selfish?” I was offended and I needed an explanation.

He sighed deeply over the phone. “Can’t believe, of all the people in this world, I have to tell you this. But honestly Anagha, the guy dotes on you. And have you ever told him you need more time with him? Have you ever bothered to find out what he does the whole day? Have you ever spoken about it? He can’t read your mind.”

I was stunned. “YOU are telling me that? Stop taking his side. Be a friend. Be supportive.”

“Sorry Anagha, I can’t. I feel bad for the poor guy. The way you are treating him.”

“He didn’t even stop me from going to Ann’s.” As I said it, I realized, even though he hadn’t said anything, I could tell I had hurt him. I stopped mid-sentence. I closed my eyes and the whole scene replayed in front of my eyes.

“Anagha?” Anurag interrupted my thoughts “I’m not judging you.. You did what you..”

“Anurag.” I said. “I’ve to go.”

“Wait, where are you.. ?”

That’s all I heard. I had to do this before my ego kicked in and made me change my mind.

I tiptoed to Ann’s room and shook her gently.

“Ann, wake up, I need your car.”

“Anagha!!” she said groggily. “What time is it?”  She squinted her eyes.

“It’s three. Now can I have your car?” I asked impatiently.

“Should I even bother asking why?” Ann eyed me suspiciously.

“No. Where are the keys?”

I was going home.

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 1 - Going home

I was going home. After six months. I looked at the bus in front of me. I could still turn back and pretend as though nothing had happened, but it was getting harder to ignore that little voice in my head.  I knew, that if I had to find some inner peace, I had to go.

I boarded the last bus out.  I had packed light, I didn’t intend to stay for too long. I couldn’t. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to provide the kind of support my family wanted from me. I just wasn’t strong enough.  I leaned back into my seat and tried not to think about the past. Luckily for me, the bus had a television set and within minutes of the bus’s departure, the conductor put on a garish movie. I tried to concentrate on the movie but the demons of the past started haunting me the instant it was over.

I leaned back and breathed deeply. I forced myself not to think of her. I had blocked her out for the past six months. But now, knowing what was about to come, knowing that I was going to be in places where she had been, the memories came flooding back.

I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze around my face. I could feel the tears at the back of my eyes. I bit my lips, this was a very bad idea. I couldn’t even manage the bus ride back home, how was I going to face everybody?

And then I let go. I let go of the wall I had built around me and memories after memories came rushing inside my head. Some happy, some sad. But all left me hollow and silent tears flowed down my cheeks. Better to let it all out now, I thought, than to withhold it and have a break down in front of the family.

After I had exhausted myself, I stared out of the window and watched the world rush by. And slowly, I drifted off to sleep.

A loud noise woke me up. It was almost daytime and I was home.

It was exactly as I remembered it. Nothing had changed. Well, almost nothing.

There was nobody to pick me up, that was new. My sister used to come every time, even though we stayed very close to the bus stop. I picked up my stuff and started walking back home.

I reached the house and somehow, it looked forbidding and cold. It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when there was constant hustle bustle around it, with laughter and happiness emitting out of it.

Everything had changed now. Everything had changed since my sister had died.