I kept myself busy for the next couple of days. Even though I didn’t want Maya to call me, I expected her to. But surprise surprise! She didn’t. I didn’t either.
The days went by slowly, with me picking up my phone every two minutes to check if she’s called or texted. I soon ended up checking my email and facebook every ten minutes. Nothing. Although, it seemed as though her presence was stalking me. Facebook insisted on showing her face right at the top of my friends list. Her favourite movie would be on as I channel surfed. Her favourite pizza place would just decide to open a branch right outside my place. Maybe it was just me, or maybe something in the universe was trying to tell me something.
Luckily for me, I threw myself into work. It was easy, there was always so much to do. At work, I could be normal and sane but back home, I went crazy. The first couple of days were especially hard. I did everything to get my mind off her. I went out with pretty women, I had boys night outs and of course, there was always work.
But I don’t know, after a week or so, I realized that I really missed her. And then another thought entered my head, didn’t she miss me? Why didn’t she just pick up the phone and call? I had said I wanted to leave and she had just let me go. Why didn’t she stop me?
Maybe she was mad at me. That was easy to rectify. She could never stay mad at me, I knew that. Maybe she wanted me to call. Maybe I should just call. What was the big hullabaloo about anyway? I would call her and ask her to meet me. Like always. Yeah, Maya would understand. She knew me. More importantly, she would know that whatever it was, I wanted to brush it aside and move on.
So I called her. She answered on the first ring. Maybe she was waiting for me to call too.
“Hey..” I said awkwardly. I didn’t know how to proceed.
“I’ve missed you!”She exclaimed. I could imagine her clutching her phone tightly next to her face.
Suddenly I felt strange again. Why had she gone and said that? All those thoughts which had started this whole thing came rushing back to back.
“Umm. I missed you too.” I responded, not feeling that confident about it.
“So… we cool now?” She asked uncertainly.
“Ummm, sure, I guess.” That’s what I had called for right?
“So.. you want to catch up today?” She asked.
There! She did it again! I felt myself withdraw again.
“Today is difficult. Let’s see.” I commented half heartedly.
“Oh.” I knew from the tone of her voice, that I hadn’t fooled her. She knew exactly where I was going from here. Finally I heard her sigh.
“Why did you call me Arvind?” she asked, disappointment obvious in her voice.
“I don’t know” I replied honestly. She didn’t reply for the longest time. After a while, the awkwardness got to me.
“Listen, I was just stepping out. I’ll call you later.” I mumbled as I rushed to hang up the phone.
I knew then and I guess she also knew, that most probably the relationship we had shared was over. You may say its childish and stupid but such is life. Sometimes we do the stupidest of things and they change our life in the most unimaginable ways.
When I had started off with this whole thing, I had been so sure of myself. So sure of what I wanted. Now? Now I’m not so sure. I know I will be perfectly fine without her. Eventually. But did I really want that?
Photograph via sxc.hu
Photograph via sxc.hu