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Click on the below links to read my previous stories..

Bus#126W       My Family and I       Games we play       All Roads Lead Home       As Good As It Gets       Whodunit?      

The Reunion       A Dog's World      My Sister's Daughter

Monday, May 31, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 28 - The End

“Pia!! Oh my god!!”
We had turned off the printing press and asked the construction workers to help us search for Pia. The building was suddenly engulfed in silence and Suraj’s panic stricken voice reached all of us.
I raced towards the direction of Suraj’s voice. He was at the bottom of the stairs, frantically moving some debris around. Then I saw her, Pia, her tiny form, underneath some stone and wood.

 “Suraj!” I called out, running to catch up with him.. “Pia?”
He didn’t stop, he kept digging..  
I looked around and saw the broken handrail on the weak staircase, from where Pia had most probably slipped or fallen. The fall didn’t look that bad. Maybe she had fractured her foot or hurt her arm.. I ran downstairs, careful where I stepped. This part of the building was the first on City Council’s radar for demolition. I had told Pia to be careful and which parts of the building she was not to roam around in. Kids! Why don’t they just listen?
I reached the last step and I froze.
Pia was unconscious, her hair was caked in blood, her face a deathly white.. I didn’t say anything, just dropped to my knees  and joined Suraj in the frantic digging. Pia had most probably tried to grab a lot of things to stop her fall and most of it had fallen on her. Maybe she had screamed, but none of us had heard her over the sound of the printing press.

“Go start the car, I’ll get her and come..” Suraj ordered. I bolted outside. The others were just making their way down. They too had heard Suraj’s voice..
“Is she okay?” Prasad asked.
“Call the hospital, tell them we are getting a very injured girl and to be ready for her.” I said while running past him. Prasad stared at me in shock for a while and then fumbled to get his cell phone out..

Suraj got in the back holding Pia. His shirt was soaked in blood. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Suraj was hurt and not Pia. I drove like a maniac, Shantanu had offered to drive, but I had declined. I needed to do something, to prevent myself from going crazy.
“Is she breathing?” I asked hesitantly, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to hear the answer.
“No..”  Suraj answered softly.. I prepared myself for the worst.


The hospital air felt cold and clammy. I was sitting in the waiting room with my parents. We had been waiting for over an hour now. With every minute, our hopes increased.  My parents were holding hands, gaining strength from each other.
 I looked down at my own hands, stark white. I had clenched my fist so tightly that all the blood had drained out.
Shantanu came over and sat next to me.. He put his hand on my shoulder. I glanced at him, I wanted him to say something comforting, but no words came.. There was nothing to say.


“I’m sorry.. She’s no more..”
I heard what the doctor was saying, but I couldn’t comprehend it. It just wasn’t possible. I had let her out of my sight for only a couple of hours..
Shantanu led me to her room holding me by the hand. If he had let go, I’m sure I wouldn’t have had the strength to walk inside. I felt zapped, devoid of emotions and feelings.. It all seemed like a bad dream to me. Any moment now, I was going to snap out of it.

I stood outside the hospital room and looked in through the window. I could see Pia’s slight form under the sheets. I bit my lips to stop myself from crying. I couldn’t break down now. I had to be strong, for myself, for my parents..
Shantanu followed me to the room, but I sent him out. I needed to be alone in my grief.
I touched her bandaged forehead. Her skin, so cold, so unlike her warm self.  And then I held her hand and I tried to cry but I couldn’t. I felt nothing, except mind numbing emptiness..


I handled all the formalities, sparing my parents the gory details. My parents had completely fallen apart. Whatever strength they had regained after Di’s death was over in a whisper. They leaned on me for support and this time, I did not run away.
Through Pia’s cremation I accepted people’s condolences, entertained their curious harsh questions about how she had fallen. I was even asked to talk to the police because they thought Pia had committed suicide. They thought she had a reason because her parents had passed away, she was seeing a therapist and because she was having some trouble in school. I stayed aloof and untouched through it all.

 I personally, still couldn’t accept that Pia was gone. I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Pia was perfectly fine somewhere.. I didn’t know the girl who had died. It was sad, but she wasn’t Pia. Shantanu had another explanation for my numbness.. He called it denial. Effortlessly, he had transformed from being Pia’s therapist to mine.

Slowly with Shantanu’s help, things became better. I knew, wherever Pia was, Di would look after her now.  He made me understand, that Pia’s death, just like Di’s was an accident. Nobody could have foreseen it. Some days, Shantanu and I would sit in his office and laugh about the things Pia would do.. Then eventually, we would realize that Pia wasn’t with us anymore and I would choke up, but I could never cry.

A couple of weeks after Pia’s death, when I was ready to pick up the broken pieces of my life, I received some legal papers.  It was my adoption application for Pia. It had come through but I had lost my daughter before I even had her. I had stayed stoic through it all, through her cremation, through her death ceremony but now, as I held the papers in my hand, I felt the pain. It seared through me like a knife, leaving me cut open and dangerously wounded. I felt my eyes welling up and I welcomed the tears. Today, I would finally be able to grieve for my daughter.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 27 - Pia's Disappearance

I could hear Pia’s footsteps and I ran out to meet her and Shantanu. Pia through threw her arms around me as though she hadn’t seen me for ages.
“This is so coooool!!” She exclaimed, referring to the old office building.. I gathered her in my arms and carried her inside, proudly showing her “my office”. I showed her my desk, the printing area, Prasad’s editor room, Suraj’s photography workshop, the new construction guys.. She found it incredibly funny that if those guys didn’t finish their work, the rest of us wouldn’t have any place to work. I explained the logic behind that to her. The flooring wasn’t safe, it was old and rotten and the City Council had doubts about its strength. Prasad over heard me and poo pah-ed  my explanations.
“Don’t listen to her Pia.. This place has been around since my grandfather’s time! Its rock solid!!” Prasad was trying to defend his run down building.
We all laughed at his earnest efforts to convince us. I packed my things for the day and was almost ready to leave when I got a call. It was an advertiser who wanted to know the nitty gritty details about our charges.
“This will take a while Pia.. Why don’t you go grab some Pepsi from the refrigerator?”
Pia let go of Shantanu’s hand and went to the next room.
The call took longer than I expected. Shantanu kept flipping through the old copies of City Journal glaring at me occasionally for making him wait for so long. I made a apologetic face and carried on with my conversation. City Journal hadn’t reached that stage yet where I could refuse potential customers. Finally, after what seemed ages, I was done.

“Sorry sorry.. lets go.. ” I looked around.. “Where’s Pia?”
“She must be with Prasad or Suraj.. ” Shantanu opened my office door for me.. I went to Suraj’s workshop. No sign of Pia.
“Suraj, did Pia come here?” Suraj turned to me, “Yeah.. She was here half and hour back. Then she got bored of what I was doing and went somewhere..”

Concern gripped me.
“Pia!” I called out loudly.. there was no reaction. I couldn’t really hear myself over the printing and construction work noise.. “Pia?!” I could feel it in my bones that something was not right.
Prasad came out bewildered at my shouting. “What happened???”
“We can’t find Pia..” I could hear the panic in my voice..
“Don’t worry Khushi.. we’ll find her.. she’ll be here somewhere..” His steady gaze calmed me a little..

We split up to look for her. 

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 26 - New Found Responsibilty

Our success didn’t go unnoticed.. Soon small city enterprises were flocking to us for advertising. Things were looking up. Prasad hired a couple of workers to fix up some parts of the building so that we wouldn’t have to vacate. Suraj and I busied ourselves with hiring two more employees who would help us go through the vast number of requests we had received. Seemed like everyone out there had a story and they wanted it to be told.

To celebrate our success, we all met up for dinner. Prasad’s family, all our story contributors, even Suraj turned up with a lady friend.. Pia was the darling of everyone’s eyes. She was literally blossoming in the attention. Many people mistook her for my daughter, I didn’t blame them, the family resemblance was uncanny.

When it was time to say our goodbyes, Pia was curled up in my arms and everyone came forward to give her a kiss goodbye.  
“Come around sometime..” Prasad said gently to Pia, ruffling her hair. I promised Prasad that I will some day.
All in all, it was a good get together. It had brought all of us closer, even Suraj had warmed up to me. Pia had been in her element, being all cute and adorable.

As I tucked Pia in for the night, I felt different. I recalled all those people who had walked up to me and told me what a beautiful daughter I had. I had tried correcting some of them, but gave up after a while. It was too long a story to tell everyone and really, in all effect , I was Pia’s mother. I repeated the words to myself “Pia’s mother”.  
 I knew I couldn’t be Di  but at least I wasn’t doing such a bad job of filling her boots.


The next morning, I woke up with a new found responsibility of being a mum. If my mum and dad noticed a change in me, they didn’t mention it but I could tell from their smiles that they had.
I pretended not to notice their scrutiny and continued fussing over Pia.
“Can I come today! Can I pleeeeeeeeeeease come today!” I laughed at Pia’s enthusiasm. I didn’t know what Prasad had told her about our office. I am sure she’s wouldn’t be this excited if she knew what a derelict it was.
“Okay okay.. you can come today..” Pia put her arms up in glee but I stopped her.
“But only after school, after you meet Shantanu.. okay?” Pia thought for a while..
“Can Shantanu come too?” She asked.
“Only if he wants to.. I don’t want you to force him..” My words were pointless, Shantanu was so charmed by Pia, she wouldn’t have any trouble convincing him to come. And I wasn’t mistaken. In the afternoon, Shantanu called to tell me that he was bringing Pia over. I teased him about being a big softie and laughed uncontrollably when he hung up in a big huff.

I waited impatiently through the day for them. Even I was excited about having Pia come over and seeing me in office. I wanted her to see what I did, be proud of me.. Something she could maybe talk to her friends about..
Finally, they both came.. 

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 25 - City Journal.

I spent the first couple of days just observing the day to day activities of City Journal.
Some parts of the building were off limits to all of us. The building had to be vacated soon, most of it wasn’t safe for people as per the City Development Council.
“We would have moved but I don’t have any money..” Prasad was quite frank about his not-so-great financial condition. I wondered how he was going to pay my salary.

It amazed me that only two people had kept the paper running for so long.
The main problem with City Journal, as far as I could see, was the lack of content. City journal carried no news. It was just an announcement of birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and deaths. Who would ever want to buy that?? I wondered who the so called hundreds were, to whom Prasad had referred to.

Suraj was still being hostile to me, though he wasn’t downright rude. I guess he felt I was trying to take over his domain. He was a fairly young guy, fresh out of college, most probably with plans of turning City Journal around. He hadn’t done so bad actually. Ever since he had joined, sales had increased. Either he had a lot of friends who wanted to support him or he was a smooth talker because there was NOTHING in the paper that could be sold without exceptional sales skill.

After being a mute spectator for a week, I suggested we talk to the local police to try and get some news along with the regular announcements. Prasad was aghast. “No! City Journal was never meant for news.. It’s the little things, which big news papers forget about; that’s our forte. I don’t want to make money out of publicizing people’s misfortunes! ”
Needless to say, I didn’t understand his decision but I would have to respect it.
“Well.. we don’t have to just report it..”
“What do you mean by that?” Prasad was intrigued, so was Suraj.
“We can pick up any event or news and see how its going to affect people in the city and publish that. Or, instead of just publishing facts, we can publish people’s reaction to a particular event. Basically we just make our Journal a little human instead of a piece of paper that people will read for news.”
Prasad looked at me thoughtfully. I jumped in to drive in my point, “You know it’s a great idea Prasad. I mean, we keep Journal  the way you want it to be, but.. At the same time, we are adding something our readers will like..”
“I think we should do that..” Suraj chimed in. I turned towards him, wondering what had made him support my idea, but I was grateful for it anyway.
Prasad looked at our eager faces and slowly a smile spread across his face too. “Lets do it!!”


And so we did. For the next couple of days, we searched high and low for news that we could run in our Journal. I got completely hooked to the Journal. Here, I was somebody, not like back in the city, where no one would listen to me. My opinion mattered here and I felt important.
Pia was also improving on a steady pace. Her nightmares had reduced, the notes had become non-existent, but for some reason, Shantanu was still not convinced. It didn’t matter. Pia seemed happy to meet him and hang out with him. Their sessions were no longer restricted to his office and Shantanu took Pia for movies and the carnival. It was odd but heart-warming to see both of them together. Shantanu was no longer just Pia’s therapist, he was a part of the family.

I tagged along for one of Pia’s sessions to the park. Shantanu and I sat on the bench and watched Pia play around like proud parents.
 When I told Shantanu that I was looking for a story for the City Journal he suggested I meet a client of his who was dying but still faced every day with a smile. I felt a little callous about using her for the Journal, but Shantanu convinced me that she would want to get her story out there..
And what a story it was. I was with her for three hours and her story had touched me. Her courage, her bravery, her never ending optimism. Here was a remarkable woman, and no one knew about her. That night, I wrote as I had never written before. I poured my heart and soul into it and presented it to Prasad and Suraj the next day. We ran her story as our front page article.
The next day, Suraj covered some lady’s story who was at the receiving end of domestic violence. Slowly but steadily, we were churning out good content. It wasn’t long before our readership picked up. People started writing in, they wanted us to cover their stories.

Our readership crossed a two thousand mark a month after I joined City Journal. And it was time for a celebration!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 24 - Khushi's Job

I left Pia with Shantanu and went to meet the newspaper editor. It was a long overdue effort from my side to get on with my life. Now that Pia seemed relatively okay, I didn’t need to be there for her all the time.
The editor of “City Journal”, Prasad Nair was a kind old man. He had seemed surprised to receive my call again. I guess he had thought that the earlier call was a prank. I had apologized profusely about not turning up citing personal reasons. He had been very understanding over the phone and had asked me to visit him anytime it was convenient for me.

I stopped outside an ancient looking building. It was big but run down. Clearly the “City Journal” had seen better days. To tell you the truth, it looked deserted to me. For a second, I was convinced that I had missed a turn and ended up in the wrong place.
“Are you here to meet Prasad??” a male voice called out from the second floor of the building. I looked up, I couldn’t see anyone.
“Yes, is this City Journal’s office?? I didn’t see a board around here..” I asked facing the part of the building from where, I believed, the caller had shouted from.
I could hear some laughter and then the voice said “Don’t bother looking for boards, come on up. Prasad is waiting for you..”
I wasn’t too sure whether the person inside was Prasad. I walked inside, suspicious of all sounds around me but apart from the floor creaking, I heard nothing.

“Hellooooooo??” I called out. I was getting freaked out in that place. I felt like I was in a horror movie. I didn’t want to work here!! I couldn’t imagine why Prasad Nair was still working from here.  The wooden flooring and roof looked like it was going to fall down any moment.
“Here.. We are here..” The voice directed. I followed the voice carefully, watching my every step.

A tall man stood in front of me. He didn’t seem too happy to see me.
“This way..” He said abruptly and led me inside a room.
Now this room looked lived in, unlike the rest of the abandoned building. Prasad Nair was sitting was sitting at the far end of the room. He looked old and weathered. He should have retired a long time ago, I thought to myself. I put on my best smile and approached him.
“Mr. Nair? I’m Khushi.. I..”
“You’re hired..”  I stopped mid sentence and stared at him.. He smiled at my confusion.
“Look around Khushi.. I have only one employee.” He pointed at the surly man, “And you can see we are doing terribly. Even then if you want to work here, you are hired.. Just for that.”
If he had noticed the surprise on my face, he said nothing about it.
“Just like that?”  I asked.  I looked around; I needed something to do with my time. And I could leave anytime I wanted.
“Okay.. I’ll take it..” 
Prasad stared at me in disbelief. So did the rude man. “You’ll take it???” he asked incredulously.
“Yes..” I didn’t have to explain to him why I was taking the job, “But I do want to know, what happened to City Journal?? I can tell that once upon a time, it did really well..”
“You are damn right it did!” Prasad was indignant that I had asked such a question, “It had a readership of over twenty thousand and considering we publish only city news, it was a remarkable number!”
“And then??” I asked.
“And then, I took over.. ” The sadness in Prasad’s voice was apparent. “I made all the wrong decisions, fired the right people. The readership has dwindled to a few hundreds, but as long as I live, I’ll never let City Journal die..”
His passion touched me and I reached out and touched his shoulder, “Don’t worry Prasad, I’ll try my best to help you turn this around.. ”
He took my hand in his and looked into my eyes. He reminded me of my grandfather.
After a long time he said, “I believe you will..”

I was nothing but a lowly journalist. I knew nothing about running a newspaper, leave alone trying to make one successful but nevertheless, I was going to give it my best shot.

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 23 - First day without a note!

We opened the carton carefully. It was as precious as some lost treasure for us.
The first thing that came out was a belt.. I remembered that belt. It was Di’s favorite and she never let me use it. So I had done the only thing I could to get it.. I had stolen it from her. I remember how furious she was when she found out it was missing. She ransacked my house looking for it but she never found it. All the time she was looking for it, it was around my waist. I remember sitting very still so that she wouldn’t notice the belt around me.
Pia was rolling with laughter as I described the incident to her. Her unrestrained laugh caught my mum and dad’s attention and they joined in, telling Pia stories about her mum and dad. About how they had met, how they had fallen in love, how happy they had been when they got to know they were going to have Pia.

One by one, we pulled things out. Everything seemed to have a story around it and before we knew it, the carton was empty but that’s ok. It had served its purpose. We all smiled at each other. The story sharing had somehow brought us all closer. Tired and emotionally spent, we all went to our rooms.
 I stayed up for a while, waiting for Pia to crawl into my bed. But she didn’t.  I got up and went to her room to check on her and saw her sleeping soundly.
A sudden noise made me turn around. My father was standing behind me. He smiled at me. Both of us had had the same concern about Pia. He put his arm around me and I leaned back.
We watched her sleep for a while, almost afraid, that if we moved, Pia would wake up.


The next morning passed pleasantly. Pia was happy and chirpy. Her upbeat mood made all of us think that things had changed for the better.
When I went to pick her up from school, she didn’t have a note from her teacher. I was amazed at what Shantanu had done within a span of three weeks.. To me it seemed that Pia was completely back to normal.
As usual, I took her to Shantanu’s, all happy. Once Pia was out of the earshot, I congratulated Shantanu on what a great job he had done.
He gave me questioning look.
“Pia’s all okay now..” I explained. Shantanu smiled indulgently at my naïveté’s.
“She’s on the right track.. But she’s nowhere being completely okay.. ” I looked over at Pia chatting happily with the receptionist. She looked perfectly fine to me.
“But she didn’t get a note today!!” I couldn’t understand why Shantanu was being so skeptical.
“Khushi..” Shantanu explained patiently, “Did it occur to you that maybe, she didn’t give you the note or maybe, she just didn’t get caught today? It could be anything..”
Was he accusing my Pia of lying to me??? No I would not believe him!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 22 - The carton labelled "Not to be opened"

I took a very different Pia home that night. She looked more mature than her eight years. I kept glancing at her sideways, but she was lost in some deep thought.

My mum was waiting for us outside. She was anxious to know how the first real session had been. I shook my head to indicate that things hadn’t gone great. Actually, I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t tell whether making Pia remember everything was a good thing or not.

My mum opened Pia’s door and picked her up. Pia didn’t protest. She held on to my mum as she carried Pia inside, gently stroking her hair.

Pia hadn’t uttered a word since we had left Shantanu’s office. We sat around the dinner table, trying to dram draw Pia out of the shell she had retreated into. But Pia didn’t say anything. After dinner, she slipped into her room, claiming she was tired.
My mum and dad watched her leave, concern written all over their faces. They bombarded me with questions once Pia left. What happened there??? They wanted to know. What could I tell them, I hardly knew myself what had transpired between Pia and Shantanu.

After trying to explain to my parents that I had no idea, for which I got a lot of flak, I walked up the stairs to my room. I stopped outside Pia’s door. I could tell she was awake. I pressed my ear against the door but couldn’t tell whether she was crying or not.
I knocked gently. No response. After a couple of seconds I knocked again. Pia didn’t answer, neither she open the door. I turned the knob gently and peeked inside. Pia was sitting cross legged in front of a carton. She held a pair of scissors in her hand.

“Pia.. What are you doing with those scissors?”  I asked cautiously. The sharp object in her hand had prickled the hair on my neck. All kinds of not so nice scenarios flashed through my mind.
Pia looked up at me innocently and pointed at the carton. “I want to open that, but I can’t..”
What box was she trying to open.  I looked past her and at the carton in front of her. It was labeled “Not to be opened.” It was the box containing Di’s stuff.
“Why do you want to open it?” I took the scissors from her. I didn’t mind opening the carton for her, but I wanted to know why she wanted to open it.
“Shantanu says” She said gravely, “When you fear something, you should face it.”
“But why are you afraid of the box??” I stopped trying to pry the carton open and looked at Pia who was fidgeting. I could tell she was uncomfortable the way this conversation was going.
Pia  hesitated . “This is the last box I have which has mommy’s things.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to, I understood what she was trying to say. Most of Di’s clothes had already been given away. We had kept only memorabilia. But this carton contained things that Di had personally picked out, had worn.

When I thought of it that way, the scissor felt heavy in my hand too. I placed the scissor down. After a while, I felt a little hand on mine. Pia smiled at me. I smiled back.

We would open it together.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 21 - Pia's recollection

I could do nothing but hear as the words poured out form from Pia..

It struck me that I hadn’t spoken to her about Di’s accident. I doubt if my parents had either. We were not a family that discussed things. I guess, we believed that if we didn’t think about the problem, it would cease to exist.

Pia  remembered everything. Down to the last chilling detail.
I tried not to imagine what she was describing but I couldn’t stop myself. Vivid pictures entered my head as Pia described how she had crawled out of the mangled car and groped around in Di’s blood to get to the phone.
I stood up, walked over and put a protective arm around Pia.
“I think this is quite enough.” I told Shantanu. No child should have to re-live such memories.
Shantanu frowned ever so lightly to show his displeasure. He had asked me to cooperate with him, but he hadn’t told me that I would have to watch Pia recollect something we were trying hard to forget. I glared back at him..
“Khushi.. Maybe you should wait outside.” His eyes were pleading with me.
I looked down at Pia, hoping to get some support from her. Pia didn’t look at me. She had that look on her face, as though she was in a faraway place. I pecked her on her forehead and stepped outside.
To be honest, I needed to get out of the room and I had taken the first escape route offered to me.
Pia was made of stronger stuff than me. She hadn’t cried, her voice hadn’t faltered. I wanted to believe she would be okay without me.

Shantanu and Pia were in his office for over two hours. I paced up and down wondering whether I had done a smart thing leaving her all alone to face her nightmares.

 I was contemplating going back in when the door opened and a subdued Pia walked out. She didn’t look at me. She came and sat next to me.
“You okay kiddo?”  I ruffled her hair affectionately.
Without warning, Pia buried her face into me and started to cry. The deep sobs shook her entire body. I tried to comfort her, but nothing I said seemed to make any difference. I looked up helplessly at Shantanu who was standing at his door and watching both of us.

He came over and placed a hand on Pia’s head and stroked it gently. Pia looked up, surprised at the gesture. She contemplated for a moment and then rewarded him with her smile. Whatever had happened in the two hours, I could tell that Pia and Shantanu now shared a relationship which surpassed the relationship between a psychiatrist and his little patient.

Friday, May 21, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 20 - The First Real Session

Shantanu was waiting for us, looking very much like the psychiatrist that he was. He greeted us solemnly. Even Pia could sense the difference in him. She followed him warily as he led her to a small playroom.
“Stay here for a while till I talk to Khushi.. If you need anything, just ask the lady over there..” He pointed towards a woman sitting at the reception.
“Come with me..” He led me to his office. He shut the door behind him and watched me fiddle with a paper weight on his table..
“What are you so nervous about?” He asked, breaking the silence that was there in the room.
“Nothing..” I smiled awkwardly, “I was just wondering why you wanted to talk to me..”
“Well, for starters.. I wanted to tell you how this is going to be. The process that is.. My main focus will of course be Pia. About why she gets nightmares, why she has fluctuating mood swings and all those things.. But..” He paused for a while.. “But.. I will need to take a closer look at you and your parents. Its all inter-related. If Pia does feel better and go from here, I don’t want her to get depressed because you guys are sad. Get it?”
I nodded.. It made sense. Pia must be getting influenced by our actions and our moods too.
He smiled suddenly, I guess he was expecting me to argue on that part and I hadn’t.
“So.. we will start with you.. ” He continued.
I steeled myself. For Pia. For Pia. For Pia. I repeated to myself.
As though he sensed my apprehensiveness, Shantanu put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and said “Don’t worry, it’ll be easy..”
“Ready?” He asked.
I wasn’t, but what choice did I have.
“Yes.”
“So.. why didn’t you go for your job interview?” The question was a complete surprise to me.
“How in the world did you get to know!!?” The question was out before I could stop myself.
“It’s a small town. Word gets around.” He smiled.
“I don’t see what that has to do with Pia.” I said huffily.
Shantanu’s face darkened. “Khushi.. you are not helping! For Pia to move on, you have to move on! And I’m just trying to understand why you are not!!”
For a psychiatrist he was pretty short tempered. He glared at me for some time and then turned around frustrated.


I started slowly,“I wanted to be there for Pia all the time.” My voice was flat, devoid of emotions. I was dreading the part when he would force me to revisit the accident. So I was trying to reign in the emotions.


Shantanu turned around, surprised that I had answered. He pulled up a chair, “What do you do when Pia goes to school?” he asked gently.
“I wait for her to come back.” Even to my ears that sounded pathetic. I looked up at Shantanu expecting to see pity in his eyes. There was nothing, he was watching me carefully. I chided myself for being so silly. Of course, he was watching carefully. That was his job!!
I quickly glanced down, preferring too to look at the paper weight I held in my hand.
He asked me a couple of questions which I answered in a monosyllabic way. I wanted to help, but something about his way just put me off. He seemed to realize that I wasn’t going to be very receptive towards his questions anymore and after a couple of minutes he suggested that we bring Pia in.
He rang his receptionist and asked her to get Pia. We waiting in silence. Awkwardness was heavy in the air but neither of us tried to reduce it. 


Pia entered, her earlier excitement diminished by the cold reception that we had got from Shantanu. She started walking towards me, Shantanu blocked her way.
“So did you have fun outside?” Shantanu was back to his old happy self. The transformation had seemed so effortless.
Pia smiled carefully, as though trying to make sure he didn’t go back to being all serious.
“Pia.. We are going to have a nice chat today.” I stared at him, surely, he wasn’t just going to ask her questions like he asked me. There had to be some subtlety involved! After all she was just 8 years old. I opened my mouth to protest when Shantanu, anticipating my actions put up a hand to silence me.
“Okaaay.” I could sense the reluctance in Pia's voice.
“Tell me about your parents accident.” I almost collapsed. I turned to look at Pia anxiously. Why was he asking her those things. I had already told him everything!
Pia seemed quite unperturbed by his question. She frowned deeply, as though trying to figure out what to say.
And then she started talking..

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 19 - Sessions in the park

“Me?” I was flummoxed, “But I’m perfectly fine.”
“Are you? Really?”  Shantanu hadn’t missed a beat.
“Yes..” I said firmly as I tried not to think about the screams that I occasionally heard. This was about Pia.. Not about me.
“If you want this to work, you have to be honest with me Khushi..” Shantanu was looking at me gravely, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.
“I understand.. So how do we do this?” I was trying to change the subject and get him to focus more on Pia.
“Ah yes..” Shantanu said, as though he just realized that it was Pia who was his patient and not me. “Well.. Pia will take a couple of days to open up to me. Till that time, there’s no point coming to my office. How about we meet here everyday? After her school hours?”
“Here????” i turned around to look at the surroundings. I found it difficult to imagine psychiatric session being conducted there.
“Is there a problem?” Shantanu inquired. I shook my head.
 He certainly had very unconventional methods.. But he was the expert and I wasn’t going to argue with him about his methodology.. Not yet anyway.

This continued for over two week. I used to pick Pia up from school and meet Shantanu over ice cream. Pretty soon Pia got very comfortable having Shantanu around.
He didn’t want to be a Shrink, he said. He wanted to be a friend.
 He told me his story too.  About his obesity problems. About why he was a psychiatrist. But as much as he tried, I could never tell him anything about Di apart from the sparse details about the accident.

At the end of two weeks, as we were saying our goodbyes, Shantanu called out “Come by my office tomorrow. I promised Pia I’ll show her around.”
Was this my cue?
 I guess it was supposed to mean that Pia’s real therapy sessions would start from tomorrow.

The next day, I did as I was told. I followed the directions Shantanu had given us and reached a very swanky looking apartment. I gulped. I hadn’t asked Shantanu how much each session was going to cost. I wasn’t poor but I certainly wasn’t rolling in money either. And the two weeks sessions!! Was he going to charge me for sitting in the park with Pia??? Probably.
I looked at Pia who could barely wait to see her new friend, Shantanu’s office. Whatever he was charging, he was worth it.
 I pushed the thought out of my mind and opened the door to Shantanu’s office.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 18 - Meeting Shantanu

I picked up Pia after school. I didn’t tell her where we were going and she didn’t ask. She looked around in surprise when I stopped near the ice cream parlor.
Pia turned to me, glee written all over her face. She couldn’t believe her luck! I am sure she was expecting to be punished. An ice cream treat must have been the last thing on her mind.
I laughed out aloud as I watched Pia run to order her cone. I hadn’t seen her this excited about anything before.
I made my way slowly to the ice cream parlor keeping an eye out for Shantanu Ray. I didn’t know what he looked like, but the place was almost deserted, so I didn’t worry too much about it.
I spotted him almost immediately. He was the only guy there. The rest of the sparse crowd consisted of mothers picking up their children after school. Mothers or aunts like me.

I had to admit, he was nothing like what I had imagined he would be. To tell you the truth, he reminded me a little of Santa Claus. A younger Santa Claus. He was talking to someone when I approached him.
“Shantanu Ray?” I asked gingerly.
He turned around to face me. “Khushi?” I nodded. He looked beyond me, “Where’s Pia?”
“Ya.. About that.. I was wondering if I could talk to you alone, before you meet Pia.” I had to assess this guy before I let him anywhere Pia.
“About what?” He was trying to suppress a smile as though he knew what I had planned.
“I’d like to know something about your qualifications and your experience. Forgive me if I’m being rude, but I think its important for me to check.”
He laughed suddenly, his laugh echoing in the small ice cream parlor. Everybody was staring at us. I couldn’t imagine what he had found so funny. I kept my face stern to show him I didn’t find this entire thing remotely funny.
Pia came running to me. She looked up at Shantanu, who immediately bent down to greet her. His eyes twinkled as he spoke to her.
“Hey Pia, I’m Shantanu..”
“How do you know my name?” Pia asked suspiciously. She was wary of strangers.
“Well.. Your mom told me..” Shantanu was looking at me.
“She’ not my mum..” Even though I was expecting it, the vehemence with which Pia said it, stung me.
I looked away for a moment, when I turned back, Shantanu was looking at me thoughtfully.
“Will you watch her for a moment? I’ll get the ice creams and come.” I didn’t want him scrutinizing me.
I watched them from a distance. I was so mesmerized by the effect he had on Pia. She was holding on to his every word. Whatever he was saying to her, she was totally in sync with it.
I walked back awkwardly, not wanting to disturb their conversation. Pia turned around as she heard me approach. She snatched her ice cream and ran to sit on swings next to the parlor.

After watching Pia and Shantanu together, I didn’t doubt his ability to help her. Turns out, neither did Shantanu.
 As we walked towards Pia, he commented “I think I can help Pia” he looked closely at me and continued, “And maybe even you..”

Monday, May 17, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 17 - The Psychiatrist

I dropped the paintings on the desk. I hadn’t known about these.. I glanced towards my mum. My mum didn’t look up, she was looking at her hands.
“How long has Pia been drawing these ma?” I was amazed that she hadn’t thought it was important enough for me to know.
“I thought it was just a phase…” My mum rubbed her eyes wearily. I relented. I understood how hard it was for her to deal with this. I squeezed her arm gently and gave her a I understand smile.
“There was one more thing..” I held my breath, what more could there be?
The headmistress smiled, “Pia is going to be alright..” She was looking at me. I stared back at her.
“I just wanted you to know that.. I have seen children go through a lot.. and they always get through it..” She was reassuring me. For the moment, I was grateful to her for trying.
“I’ll keep that in mind..” I picked up Pia’s paintings.. I didn’t know what to make of them. I needed some professional help. We thanked the headmistress for her time and made our way out. Pia had already been sent back to class by then.


Back at home, my father and I settled down at the dining table and looked at each painting carefully. We wanted to be sure, we were not missing something subtle.
We didn’t find anything that we didn’t know already. Finally, I called the numbers the headmistress had given me. A man with a deep resonating voice answered. He laughed when I asked if I could fix an appointment to see him.
“I don’t have so many clients that I need to give appointments.” I had my misgivings about going to a psychiatrist who was proud of the fact that he didn’t have too many clients but the headmistress had spoken highly of him. It wouldn’t hurt to try one session, I thought to myself. I agreed to take Pia over to his office after school got over, but he laughed again.
“I don’t want to intimidate her Khushi.. Lets meet at the ice cream parlor near her school and we’ll see how it goes from here.”
I had found him to be totally unprofessional and strange. My father seemed to share my thoughts but my mum insisted that we at least meet this guy.

That is how Shantanu Ray entered our lives. On my mother’s insistence. 

Sunday, May 16, 2010

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 16 - Meeting the Headmistress

With the note out of the way Pia was back to her happy self.  She didn’t seem too concerned about the kid she had fought with. Now that she had realized there would be no punishment, her guilt had disappeared. I let it be. Whatever it was, she had to anyway face it tomorrow with the headmistress.

That gave me something else to think about; the meeting with the headmistress. I had always been a teacher’s pet, so had my sister. I didn’t have any idea how the parent was supposed to react in such matters. Was I to go there and apologize for Pia’s behavior? I spoke to my mother about it and both of us decided that it would be better if she came along too. Just to help me get used to it. To the whole being a parent thing.

The evening passed quickly what with Pia’s homework and assignments and I couldn’t help but wonder whether my life had reduced to babysitting Pia. I would be glad to start work soon..
At night, I thought of telling Pia a bedtime story. A happy story to keep her nightmares away.
“So once upon a time,” I started. Pia smiled a little and turned sideways to see me better. I smiled back. I used to tell Pia stories every time I visited and I could tell she was pleased that the change in our relationship hadn’t changed that aspect.
I told her a story of fairies and princesses, of happy days and happy thoughts. I thought I had done a pretty good job.
 I was tip toeing out of Pia’s room when Pia, who was still awake, asked me “Why do only fairy tales have happy endings?” I considered answering her question but I really, didn’t have any appropriate answer for it.
“Goodnight Pia..” I was hoping Pia would forget all about her question. Pia didn’t answer, she was already fast asleep.
I heaved a sigh of relief. You always had to be on your toes while raising kids. You could never predict what they were going to ask next. I smiled to myself as I heard my thoughts. Already, I was thinking like a parent. That night, after a long time, I slept with happy thoughts in my head.

Pia did not come into my room that night, but I knew she had a nightmare from the sleepy look on her face. Clearly, bed time stories were not the answer to her nightmare problem. That morning, I took charge of getting Pia ready for school. Pia was an organized child and I didn’t have to do much except remind her to hurry up once in a while.

We tried to maintain a conversation while walking to Pia’s school but all of us fell silent once the school building came into view. All of us probably thinking about what was coming next.
We were made to wait outside the headmistress’s office till the morning assembly got over. After a while, the headmistress came, apologizing for making us wait and ushered us into her office. Pia followed, with her head down.
A few minutes passed as the headmistress went over Pia’s records. Occasionally, she would shake her head in disapproval. I was getting nervous; I could only imagine what Pia was going through.
“This is a very difficult situation.” The headmistress finally started. “She’s a bright child, but her behavior is too unpredictable. We are lucky; the child’s mother didn’t create a fuss about this incident.”
My mum and I remained silent. We knew what Pia had done. What we didn’t know was why and how to stop it.
“Pia.. can you wait outside? I’d like to talk to your..” she hesitated, “guardians alone.”
Pia nodded and left.
“Have you seen Pia’s recent paintings Poonam?” Clearly, the headmistress knew my mum from somewhere else.
My mum nodded. I was missing something here. What was wrong with Pia’s paintings?
The headmistress continued, “I got a chance to show them to my colleague in the city and he agrees that they are disturbing.” She hurried to continue before my mother could interrupt. “I’m not saying there is something wrong with her. I just think you should ensure that she’s dealing with her parent’s death the right way.”
“Can you recommend someone?” I asked.
The headmistress scribbled a couple of names and numbers on a piece of paper.
“You can try these people. The school has worked with them before.” She handed me the paper.
“May I see the paintings?” I wanted to know what was so disturbing about them. I was sure, that they were all over reacting.
The headmistress picked up a file and passed towards me. I opened it and a gasp escaped from my lips as I flipped through it. Pia had drawn vivid pictures of accidents. And she had colored it.. The car, the tree, the people and the blood; everything was red.