The lights came on and my husband came into my view. I held on
tightly to him tightly, glad that I had been all wrong. I felt him trying to push me away. I looked up confused. He wasn’t looking at me. I turned around. I had completely forgotten about Anurag. He stood there awkwardly watching me.
“I see you brought someone..” My husband murmured in my
ears ear. I looked up sharply, but his eyes were twinkling. As usual, he was jesting.
“Hey Anurag, good to see you here.”
“Likewise.” Anurag smiled easily at my husband. I started to apologize to Anurag, for dragging him here, but he put up his hand to silence me. He gave me a supporting smile and disappeared into the crowd.
It was a great party and everyone had a great time. Everyone except me. I couldn’t help feel that something was missing. I had lost a part of who I was in this relationship. I had become someone my husband wanted me to be. Even now, when we were together, I felt hollowed out and empty. On the outside we were a happy couple. Everything seemed to be right in our relationship. But it wasn’t. I didn’t feel loved, I felt ignored and taken for granted. A birthday party wasn’t going to change what I had been feeling for over a year.
I drove back that night. Finally, when I could not take it anymore, I pulled over.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” My husband sat up, looking at me, concern written all over him.
I shook my head. I was too overwhelmed to talk.
“Want me to drive?” He offered.
I shook my head.
“What’s wrong Anagha?” he placed a hand on my head and caressed my hair.
“Its us!” I sobbed.
“What do you mean?” He pulled his hand back and turned sideways to see me better.
“Something’s wrong, can’t you feel it?” I
“Anagha, what are you talking about?” He looked confused.
“I went by your office today.. You weren’t there. The guard said you left with a lady.” I explained.
“Yeah.. With Meghna. Anagha, what’s up with you? What are you getting at?”
“You don’t understand..,” I started “I was so quick to assume you were with someone else.”
He chuckled.”That’s okay. I’ll forgive you for that.”
I took a deep breath, “And I called Anurag, because..” I hestitated.
“Because?” I could detect a touch of steel in his voice.
“Because I thought you won’t be there.” There. I had said it. I stole a glance at him. I was grateful for the cover the darkness offered. I didn’t want to see the hurt and accusation in his eyes.
“Are you saying, that you got him along, because you thought he could replace me?” I could sense the anger in his voice.
“It wasn’t like that..” I said desperately. “I thought you were with someone else on my birthday so..”
“So it was okay for you to be with someone else? I don’t believe this..” He stepped out of the car and started walking.
“Where are you going?” I called out after him. When he didn’t answer, I ran behind him. “Don’t you see? If I was willing to do that, maybe it means, I don’t feel anything anymore.”
He glared at me. For one horrific moment I thought he was going to hit me. He grabbed me by the arms roughly.
I didn’t say anything. And then right before my eyes, he transformed. His shoulders slumped, his expression went from angry to indifferent.
“Lets go home, we can talk about it in the morning.” He started walking towards the car.
“I’m not coming home.” I whispered. I had thought about it at the club. To figure out what I actually wanted, I needed some time on my own.
“Do you realize what you are saying? Have you gone insane? Or do you want to be with Anurag so bad, that you are prepared to leave me.” His words stung and I shut my eyes tight, and covered my ears to block the scene that was unfolding in front of my eyes.
“Please.. ” I murmured, ”Please try and understand.”
“Just know this Anagha, if you go now, its over.” He said quietly.
I stared at him for the longest time possible and then started walking in the opposite direction. It was a chance I was prepared to take.