My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 8 - Pia's Decision

Pia smiled in her sleep and turned over. I sighed, it would have to wait till tomorrow. I kissed her on her forehead and went to my room.

Sleep was the last thing on my mind. I lay there on the bed, thinking how my life was about to change. The thought didn’t scare me anymore. I guess that’s a good thing.

I tossed around the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot. Finally, exasperated, I sat up in the bed. I was wondering what to do when I heard footsteps coming towards my room. The door opened and Pia entered clutching her blanket.

“Why are you still awake baby? Did something wake you?” I asked

“Can I sleep here?” Pia asked, yawning.

“Of course, you can.”

Pia climbed on to the bed and snuggled in besides me. Within minutes she was asleep.

I stayed up, running my hand through her hair for a long time. The only sound I could hear was Pia’s deep even breathing and eventually, I felt sleep envelope me.

I woke up early the next morning. Pia had made herself quite comfortable in my bed. I was almost on the edge, a little further and I would have been on the floor. I tried to get up, when I felt a little hand on me. In her sleep, Pia had put her arm around me. I lifted her arm carefully. Pia stirred, but didn’t wake up.

I got off the bed and almost laughed when I saw the way Pia was sleeping. Almost diagonally across the bed. No wonder, I didn’t have any place.

I stretched a little and then went down the stairs. My parents were early risers and they were already up and about.

“Goooooooood morning..” I said in a sing song voice.

“You look like you had a great time last night.” My mother smiled. I could tell she was really happy the way Pia and I had bonded.

“Uh-huh. Yep yep. We had a blast.”  I picked up my coffee and recounted our night to my mum and dad.

They smiled and laughed as I described each ride. I finished talking but they both were still looking at me. The unspoken question obvious on their faces.

“No..” I shook my head. “She slept before I could ask her.”

“What would you like for breakfast?” My mum asked suddenly. The question surprised me and I looked at her. She was looking straight through me. I turned around. Pia had just entered the room. She stood there rubbing her eyes.

“Good morning Pia!” I said in a cheerful voice.

Pia didn’t reply. She came towards me and clambered on to my lap. I put my arms around her and hugged her tightly.

I could imagine what was going on through my parent’s head. Pia used to do the same thing with my sister.

“What are you looking at?” Pia asked my parents, breaking the moment. I don’t think they realized that they were staring at us.

“You had a good time yesterday? ” My father asked her, trying to change the topic.

A wide smile broke across Pia’s face as she remembered last night.

“Yes!!” she exclaimed. “We had ice cream for dinner!!! And we..and we went for a movie!! And we went to a fair!! And we went on the roller coaster!!”

Pia  was talking nonstop and it was hard not to be affected by her excitement. Pretty soon, she had my parents hanging on to her every word.

 “We’ll all go together next time.. Won’t we Khushi??” Pia  turned around to face me. I couldn’t believe this was the same little girl I had met yesterday. Pia’s face was shining with happiness. If only I had come earlier, I could have saved her from being unhappy for so long.

“Are you ready for your surprise??” I had to ask her now, when she was in such a good mood.

“Surprise!!!!” Pia jumped off my lap and held out her hand as though expecting a gift.

I clutched her hand.

“Pia..” I began slowly.

“Where is it??” Impatience was a trait, she had inherited from my brother in law.

“Pia.. you are going to stay with me from now on!!” I put out my arms, waiting for her to react.

We all watched her expectantly.

“You are going to stay here with me?” Pia asked tentatively.

“No Pia..” I looked at my mother for support, this was going horribly wrong. My mum shook her head. This was between me and Pia.

“You are going to come stay with me.. you’ll like that right?” I was struggling with words.

Pia  took two steps back, looked at my parents and then back at me.

She uttered one word and then turned around and left.

“No..”

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 7 - The Evening

Pia came looking for us eventually. She looked at us suspiciously as though she knew we were talking about her.

“What are you talking about?” She inquired.

“Its adult talk.” I told Pia same thing my mum used to tell us when we were little.

“I wanna know! I wanna know! I wanna know!” And that was the exact same thing that my sister and I used to tell my mum.

From my mother's smile, I could tell that she too was reminded of our childhood.

“Come Pia,” she said, walking out of the room “Its nothing important.”

Pia thought for a while and then deciding its not worth arguing about, ran to catch up with my mum. I followed them to the dining room.

In my family, everyone had their fixed places at the dining table. My mum sat at the head of the table, closest to the kitchen, my dad on her right, my sister to her left and I used to sit next to my dad. I subconsciously pulled out my usual chair.

“Thats my place!” Pia looked at me, dismayed that I had taken her place.

“Yours? Then where should I sit?”

“There..” Pia was pointing at my sister's chair.

I looked at Pia, wondering whether she was trying to imply something. Obviously not. She was just an eight years old who wanted her place.

I walked over to my sister's chair. My mum smiled at me encouragingly as I took my sister's place at the dining table.

Lunch was a boisterous affair with all of pretending to be normal. We all spoke a little louder and laughed a little harder as though trying to make up for the six months that we had lost.

Pia seemed oblivious to all our pretense. She didn't interact much, kept her head low and ate quietly. I wondered what had happened to her. She had been normal some time back.

I decided not to ask her.

After lunch Pia and I sat down to do her homework. As a child, I had always hated people who looked at me and said “Oh my god, she's grown so much.” It was almost as though they had expected me to shrink and I had grown up.

But now I understood what they had meant. Looking at Pia's books made me realize how quickly she was growing. Within no time, she had grown from a baby who couldn't even wipe her own nose to this child in front of me.

Kids grow up too darn fast. I remember my sister telling me that when she was inviting me to come stay with her for some time. You'll miss not being here for those moments Khushi.

After what seemed like eternity, Pia was done.

“Now what do we do?” Pia asked me.

“Well, don't you go to play now?”

“Nobody plays with me anymore.” I wanted to ask her why, but I didn't press her.

“Well, in that case.. lets go..” I picked up my jacket.

“Where?” Pia asked in surprise.

“You coming? Or not?”

“I'm coming!”

We both ran out of the house.

I had no idea where I was taking her. We hit the streets, walking aimlessly. We watched a movie and then went to a local fair. We went on all the rides possible. When we thoroughly exhausted ourselves with all the giggling, laughing, screaming and running around, we stopped and had ice cream for dinner. By the time we were in a cab, Pia was half asleep.

Once home, I carried Pia to her room. Her little arms were wrapped around my neck. I pulled off her shoes and tucked her in.

“Pia?” I asked gently.

Pia stirred in her sleep.

“Pia?” I asked again.

She opened one sleepy eye.

“Would you like to stay with me?”

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 6 - Back From School

I felt as though a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This is what I wanted.. This is what my sister would have wanted me to do.

I spent the rest of my afternoon making arrangements. Calling schools, checking up on day care services in my city. I was even redecorating her room in my head. Walls the color of honey, a doll house on the side, a book shelf on the other.

A sudden creaking noise caught my attention and I peeped down from the window. There she was. Pia.. I waved at her but Pia’s attention was else where. She was dragging her feet while walking. Occasionally, she would lift her hand and rub her eyes. What could have upset Pia? I rushed down the stairs.

My mum was calmly wiping away her tears saying something softly to her. Pia nodded a couple of times and then held out a piece of paper. My mum took the paper and put it in her pocket without reading it.  Then, she leaned in closer and whispered something in Pia’s ear.

Suddenly Pia's face lit up with a sunny smile. Had my mum told Pia about what we had discussed in the morning?

I went a little closer. No.. they were talking about food. Something that my mum had made for Pia. I tried to hide my disappointment but my mum must have noticed.

All in good time. She mouthed.

“Hey Pia,” I pinched her cheeks. I know how much she hated it when anyone did that. She frowned at me and then, when she saw me laughing at her reaction, flashed that lovely smile of hers. She clutched my hand in a seemingly innocent gesture, but it meant the world to me.

“Do you know what nani made for me??” She called my mum that, nani.

Pia was looking at me expectantly.

“Not really, she didn’t tell me. What is it?”

“Its awesome!! You have to taste it!! Come…” She tried to pull me along as she rushed inside the house. My mum slipped the note into my hands as we passed her. I resisted the temptation to open it and read it.

Once inside, Pia left my hand and darted to my father evoking a hearty laugh from him. He picked her up, holding her high, leaving her squealing with delight. My mum touched my arm and we both exchanged a smile. She beckoned  me to follow her. We left quietly, careful not to disturb the playful banter between my father and Pia.

“Did you read it?” My mum asked me once we were out of hearing range.

“No, what is it?” I asked, even as I opened the note.

My mother didn’t answer. I scanned through it quickly. It was a teacher’s note.

“Pia withdraws into a shell when she enters school. She stays quiet, refusing to participate in any discussions or games. Although I understand the great tragedy that has befallen her, it is worrisome behavior and I recommend that she is seen by a psychologist as soon as possible.”

I looked up, confused. “Is this why Pia was crying?”

“No.. It was much trivial. Some students were calling her names in school.” She paused, “But this is something serious. Every day her teachers send a note. Some days Pia refuses to talk, some days she bullies other kids, some days she deliberately tries to disrupt classes.”

“Pia??” I was shocked, I could not imagine Pia bullying other kids. Or being disobedient.

“You never know what’s going on inside a child’s brain. I haven’t been able to understand her behavior.” My mum shook her head.

Frankly, I wasn’t too concerned. Of course, it was a little weird, this erratic behavior, but Pia would be okay with time. I was sure of that.

“Don’t worry ma, I’m sure she’ll be fine in some time.” I reassured her. My mum smiled at me. I don’t know whether she was smiling at my naiveté but she didn’t comment on it further.

Instead she said, “When are you planning to ask Pia whether she wants to live with you?”

“Couple of days.” I felt an uneasy dread.

It had never occurred to me to ask Pia.

 I hadn’t even considered the possibility that she could refuse.

My Sister's Daughter - Chapter 5 - Doubts

Things hadn’t gone the way I had planned. I hadn’t intended it to be so harsh, so bitter. I wish I could take back some of the things I said. But what was done, was done.  I turned to leave the room.

As I walked away from my parents, the impracticality of my decision hit me.

How was I going to raise a child? I didn’t know anything about it! What if I did something wrong?

It had been so easy to just say that I’ll take care of her. Raising a child required more than just feeding, clothing and housing it. A child needed to be nurtured. I had seen my sister completely devote herself to Pia. I didn’t have it in me to do that. I just couldn’t.

I hadn’t thought about anything.. About what the consequences of my decisions could be. It would be dreadful for Pia too. Leaving her grandparents and all her friends. How selfish had I been? All this while, I had thought, that it’ll be best for Pia if she came with me.. Whereas, in reality, I was taking a child away from everything she held close to her heart and putting her in strange city in a new school..

  Maybe, it was not too late.. I could just tell ma that I was wrong. And that I’ll come visit Pia as often as I could.

Yeah, that sounded reasonable.

“Khushi?” My mum stood at the doorway. She looked calm, not like the woman I had met downstairs. I was relieved she wasn’t mad at me.

“You ok ma?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. “ There was an awkward pause and then she said.. “ I’m sorry Khushi, I think I said some things I shouldn’t have said.”

“I’m sorry too ma. You know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know Khushi.”  She reached out and placed her hand on my cheek.

She had forgiven me, now I needed her counsel.  “Ma, how will I manage?”

“What do you mean?” My mum suddenly looked worried. “You mean money wise?”

“No ma..” I hesitated, “The responsibility. How am I going to take care of Pia? I can barely take care of myself! I mean, what if something happens, and I don’t know what to do. Pia is so young. Who’s going to take care of her when I’m not at home? Who’s going to take her to school and get her back safely. I can’t leave her anywhere.. I don’t ..  ”  

“Sshhh Khushi..” My mum silenced me and ran her hand over my head trying to calm me.

 I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply for sometime. My mother’s soothing touch quickly calmed my frayed nerves. “Now tell me, what’s the real problem? ”

What could I tell her? That I was running away again?

I decided to stick with the truth.

“I’m scared ma..”

My mother smiled, “Its okay be to be scared Khushi. I won’t lie to you. It’s a big responsibility, but I think you’ll do just fine.”

“But ma..” Her reassurances seemed very hollow to me. I didn’t trust myself.

“Khushi.. You’re the closest Pia has to a mother now.. And you were right, she needs you. Why are you doubting yourself? If you are ever in two-minds, you can always call me and I’ll be there. Everything else is secondary. The only thing you need to know is that you want to do this.”

“Think about it.” She kissed me on the cheek and left me alone with my thoughts.

I needed some distraction. I picked up some photo album lying around and started flipping through it. I stopped on a picture of my sister. I had clicked it when she was in one of her pensive moods. She was looking straight at me. I traced the outline of her face with my finger..

What should I do sis?  

I sighed and turned over to the next picture. My sister was holding Pia. It looked like my sister was trying to hold onto Pia who was trying to get out of my sister’s arms. A smile touched my lips and I flipped to the next picture.

Pia was on my lap, sleeping peacefully. I stared at the picture for a long time. Pia didn’t look alien on my lap. She looked like she belonged.

I turned over to the first picture of my sister, then to Pia’s and my sister’s picture and finally to Pia’s and my picture. I felt oddly comforted by the order in which the pictures had appeared. Maybe it was a sign.

 I shut the photo album.

Was I sure about it? Hell no.

Did I want this? More than anything else in the world.