All Roads Lead Home - Feedback

I know, I know, I have been irregular, lazy and predictable this time around. When I had started writing, the storyline had seemed great considering I had very little time to think of it (Why?), but pretty soon I realised that  I really didn't have enough stuff to go on. I promise to do better next time ;)

So, if you have any ideas that you want to read, leave a comment.. :)
New story starts Monday night.

All Roads Lead Home - 22 - The End

I couldn’t think of anything to say. I just opened the door and stared at her.

“Aren’t you going to ask me in?” She asked stiffly.

“Yeah,.. sure.. come in..” Prachi moved past me and invited her in.

I didn’t know how I was supposed to be with her. Yesterday, she had thrown me out of her house, today I found out, she was the reason that I was abandoned. At the moment, I couldn’t think up of one person I liked lesser. I kept my eyes down, hoping she wouldn’t notice the confusion and anger in them. Why had she come?

“Ira.” She called me. “Please don’t misunderstand me. I loved Mili very much.” She was looking at me with this look in her eye. I couldn’t understand what it was.

“Whatever I did, I did it for her.” She continued.

“So you made her give up her baby?” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice. “What kind of a person are you?” it was out before I could stop it.

I was glaring at her now. “Why did you come here anyway? Its too late to apologize now.”

“Ira! Stop it” Prachi stepped in between the both of us.

“Let her be Prachi,” Surprisingly, she didn’t looked perturbed by my accusations. “Let her get it all out once and for all. Then maybe she’ll listen to me.”

Her calmness was agitating me more.

“Ira, I think you should listen to what she has to say. What is done, is done. You can’t change all that now. Just give her a chance.” Prachi was trying to be the moderator.

I turned away silently. Taking my silence for approval, she began.

“Mili and I were best of friends. After I got married and moved in next to her house, we were inseparable. And I watched her whole family collapse. There was nothing I could do. Her father died, her brother disappeared and all the responsibility fell on Mili’s slender shoulders. She was practically living with us, because I didn’t want her to stay in the big house all by herself. Then she met your father, ” Her tone was becoming gentler, her voice soft. “They were very much in love, but then things started falling apart and Mili,” She stopped for a moment to compose herself. “Something died in Mili with the end of that relationship. She changed overnight. And then she found out about you.”

I turned, I wanted to look at her when she was telling me this part. To my surprise, there was no guilt or remorse on her face.

“I knew she couldn’t keep you. It was still taboo and Mili was so young, there was nothing that was stopping her from settling down, except you.” She looked directly, as though blaming me for ruining Mili’s life. I started to protest when she silenced me with a hand. “No,” She said, “Don’t interrupt me. I have just come to tell you what happened. I don’t expect you to like me, because you’ll never understand how the situation was back then. So let me just finish what I have to say, and then I’ll leave.”

“So I took her in, for all the time that she carried you. Her work suffered, because I couldn’t have her walking around. People in small towns can be particularly vicious. And as soon as you were healthy enough, I sent you to an orphanage far away. I knew Mili would search all around for you and I wanted to make sure she didn’t find you and she didn’t. Of course, she hated me for doing it, but I was right. Pretty soon, Mili settled down with a nice man, raised a nice family.” She looked at me, almost daring me to challenge her decisions.

“And then killed herself.” The unsaid words were heavy in the air. I had nothing to ask her. I would never find out what had gone through Mili’s mind. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. And then I recognized the look on her face. She was looking for acceptance. She wanted me to tell her it was okay, that Mili’s death wasn’t her fault, that she had done nothing except try and help.

I stared at her blankly. She sighed deeply and rose out of the chair.

“I better get going then.” She was slowly making her way to the door when I heard myself say, “Stop.”

She turned around hopefully. I sighed, I didn’t know why I was doing it, but it just felt right.

“I’m sure, deep down, she knew, you were just trying to help. Thank you..” I said. “Thank you for loving her so much.”

As her eyes welled up, she reached into her bag and pulled out a bundle of unopened letters.

“Even though she never spoke to me after that, she sent me a letter, every year. For you.” She handed me the old letters. All of them were addressed, in a petite handwriting ‘To my darling daughter’

I held on to them, they were soon to become my most prized position.

“Take care Ira. Call me sometimes,” She gave me a half smile and walked out of the room. The aura in the room had changed. I know I am going to sound crazy, but I felt as though some good spirit was passing through the room. Maybe my mother would have witnessed the whole scene and was glad, that finally, I got all her letters.

I was ready to leave. I had decided not to meet Vishal. There was no point upsetting his family with the news of an illegitimate daughter. I did, decide to call him and let him know that I was leaving.

“You’re not going to come, are you?” He asked, even before I said hello.

I smiled, “No, I got to know whatever I wanted to. I don’t want to intrude anymore.”

“But..” he started.

“Please don’t try to stop me, I have to leave now, when things are clear to me. If I meet you I might get all messed up again.” I pleaded.

“Promise me you’ll keep in touch?” He asked.

“I promise.” As I said it, I knew this was a promise I was going to break.

“Hey, by the way,Lyka littered.” I heard him say as I hung up.

Eight hours later, I was home, where I belonged. I still hadn’t opened the letters. I wasn’t sure whether I should open them and be disappointed if they didn’t match up to my expectations or keep them sealed and change the contents of the letters in my imagination each time.

Life quickly went back to normal. It was as though nothing had changed. I was even beginning to forget what had happened.

Three months later, there was a special delivery for me.

There was an adorable pup who had been sent all the way from the hills.

The card said, “Love, mum & dad.”

All Roads Lead Home - 21

For a moment, I felt the wind knocked out of me. I stood there, trying to comprehend what he was trying to tell me.

“Ira..” He took a step towards me.

“Wait,” I stopped him. I wasn’t ready to accept him as yet. “Did you know about me?” I didn’t beat around the bush.

“No,” He said. He looked me straight in the eye and just as I was about to believe him, he looked away.

“You knew?” I tried to hide my disappointment.

“No,” He said, a little too vehemently. “I had my doubts, but I didn’t know for sure. And then Mili,” He hesitated. “Maybe we should go somewhere and talk.”

I looked around at the people walking by, going about their business. He was right, this was no place to be discussing my most personal thoughts.

I nodded slowly, “We can go to the room,” I suggested.

“No.. I have to get back..” He said. I tried to hide my surprise, was he running away from me again?

“Oh.. I understand.” I was guessing this was the last time I was going to see him.

“No.. Its not like that..” He interjected, looking at the expression on my face. “I have to get back,” he explained, “because, Lyka might litter today, and I should be there.”

“Oh..” I didn’t know what else I was expected to say.

“So, why don’t you come down to this address, whenever you are ready.” He handed me a card.

“Uh..” I don’t know why I was hesitating. All the answers I was looking for were with him.

“Look,” he said, sensing my apprehension, “This is difficult for me too.”

Slowly, I nodded. “Okay, I’ll come down in a while.”

“Okay!” The relief on his face was apparent. He turned to leave, “Please come. Don’t disappear on me.” With a quick smile, he was gone.

I stood there, waiting for the moment to pass me by. Did I imagine it all? I looked down at the card he had handed put to me. It was no figment of my imagination.

I went upstairs and waited for Prachi. I didn’t think I could go alone. I needed someone with me. I tried her number a couple of times. Her phone was out of coverage. There was nothing I could do but wait.

After, what seemed like eternity, Prachi walked in nonplussed. She didn’t pay me any attention. She hummed to herself as she poured water into a glass.

“Prachi, I’m so glad you’re back..” I walked towards her.

“I bet you are,” She said curtly. “Don’t ask me what happened, because I’m not going to tell you. You didn’t want to know remember?”

“I met him.” I said simply.

She looked at me curiously, “Met whom?”

“My father.”

“What? He came here?” She asked surprised.

“You know who he is?” It was my turn to be surprised.

Prachi hesitated, “I might as well tell you,” she said after a while, “That lady told me everything.”

I waited in silence.

“God Ira, that lady Mili, she had it really rough. I feel so horrible for her.” Prachi settled down on the bed and looked up at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, react!”

“I honestly, don’t know what to say anymore.” I felt devoid of any emotions. I managed a smile, “So, what’s the lousy reason I was abandoned?”

“Don’t talk like that. At least not before you get to know the whole story.” She admonished.

“So, tell me.”

 Prachi took a deep breath and started talking, “Apparently after her father passed away suddenly, and her brother wilted away, Mili took over her father’s work, or tried to. She met Vishal,” Prachi stole a glance at me, “at her father’s firm. And things were going great between them, when the firm collapsed, leaving both Mili and Vishal penniless. Things became bitter between them and they split up. And then Mili realized she was going to have you. She went to her friend for help, who took her in, cared for her and loved her. Once you were born, she took you far away, so that Mili could live her life, without the burden of a child. She didn’t tell anyone where she had left you. Mili went crazy looking for you. Mili never forgave her.”

Prachi paused, to look at me. “And then, a year ago, Mili sent a letter to her friend blaming her for keeping her away from her daughter. I don’t know what happened to her, but a couple of days after the letter was received, Mili..” She hesitated.

“I know..” I said softly.

After a while I spoke , “And the friend?”

Prachi smiled a little, “No prizes for guessing who it is.”

I nodded.

A rap on the door surprised both of us. I walked over to the door and pulled the door open.

It was her, the friend. The neighbor. 

All Roads Lead Home - 20

I looked up, surprised. “You knew them?”

He nodded slowly. “Why are you looking for them?”

“Its nothing.” I didn’t know how much I should tell him. After all, I was pretty sure I    didn’t want to know anymore.

“I knew Arjun.” Vishal looked away.

“Do you know where he is now?” I asked, maybe a little too desperately.

He turned to look at me sharply, “This,” he said, referring to my tone, “is not nothing.”

“Okay,” I said, “I admit, its important that I find them.”

“Them?” Vishal questioned.

“Mili or Arjun. Did you know Mili?” I asked eagerly.

“Yes I did.”

“Do you know where she is now?” I held my breath.

“She died Ira.” He said it so softly, that at first I thought I didn’t  hear him correctly.

“I’m sorry?”

“She died around a year ago.” He said quietly.

A gasp escaped me before I could stop it. My search had come to a grinding stop.

“How did.. ” I hesitated.

“She..” he sighed deeply, “She killed herself.”

My eyes opened wide in shock. “No..”

“Her family was just devastated,” he continued, unaware of my shocked reaction. “It was very sad.”

“Her family, where are they staying?” I asked, thinking quickly.

His eyes narrowed, “Around here somewhere.”

“Will you help me find them?”

“They’ve already been through enough Ira. Don’t put them through this.”

“Through what? I’m just going to offer my condolences.”

“Ira..” He shook his head.

“Why? Why can’t I go see them!”

“Because, you look exactly like her. One look at you, and anyone can make out you’re her daughter.” He had raised his voice a little now, people were staring at us now.

“I think I’m going now.” I turned around and started to walk out when he caught my wrist.

“Ira, please.” He had lowered his voice again. “The family doesn’t need to know that Mili had another daughter. They have just started to adjust to Mili’s death. Please.”

I struggled in his grip for a couple of minutes and then I realized how futile my attempt was. I stood there, silently, my arm limp in his grip.

“you can let go now, I’m not going anywhere.” I managed a half smile. “Thanks” I muttered through misty eyes.

I turned to go back to my room.

“Mili came to see me a couple of days before she..” he hesitated.

I turned around, “Why?”

“She told me she had a daughter, whom she had to abandon,” He started, I cut him short.

“Why’d she come to you?” I asked sharply.

He smiled awkwardly. “Why do you think she came to me?”