Bus#126W - Chapter 30

The next day, I spent an extra hour in training. So did everybody else, the quarter finals were just around the corner and everyone was charged up.

I needed all of my courage to tell my coach that I won’t be available for evening practice sessions form now on since I had decided to volunteer after school. He didn’t seem too happy, but he couldn’t very well tell me not to go, could he now?

Today, I let Arpit and Sneha be. I was feeling oddly benevolent. Arpit thought I was just being strange.

“What were you people talking about yesterday? What’s gotten into you?” He asked persistently.

“None of your business!” I said, mildly irritated with his insistence.

“Oh come on, you don’t expect me to be curious? One moment you are all like ‘I don’t like Sneha, why did you get her?’ and the other you’re sitting with your arm around her. There’s something fishy here!” He said.

I smiled at him, “Maybe I’ve had a change of heart.” I said.

He scoffed a little, “Yeah, right!” with sarcasm heavy in his voice.

“Well, you’ll never know for sure will you?” I winked at him as I made my way inside the class. I knew I would tell him eventually, but right now, it was just so much fun seeing him burn with curiosity.

It was, just like old times.

After school, Sneha and I made a small trip to the organization where Dhruv worked. It was quite close to St. Peters and it was an animal shelter.

We found Dhruv in midst of several pups, some of them trying to clamber on to his knee as he placed a big bowl of food down.

Sneha and I started laughing, it was almost as though Dhruv was getting mauled by the little pups.

“Laugh now,” he said seriously, “From tomorrow, you both will be taking care of this section!”

“Really??” Both Sneha and I squealed in delight.

“Yes,” he said, hint of a smile appearing on his face, “I can’t run around the little mutts, now can I?”

I caught his eye as I picked up a pup. “Thank you!” I said.

He nodded gently and came closer. He put out a hand to pet the pup I held in my arms. “I thought about what you said.”

“What.. What did I say?” I asked, a little confused what he was talking about.

“You know, the letter.” He kept his head low, eyes focused on the pup as though he didn’t want to look at me.

“Oh.” I said the smartest thing I could think of.

“Well, I gave it to her.” Slowly, he looked up to see my reaction.

“You did?” I turned away from him. I hadn’t expected him to actually do it. I was just trying to say the right thing.

He didn’t attempt to make me face him.

“Yeah, I did.” He said.

I wanted to ask what happened. But doing so would only show that I was interested. And I wasn’t interested in his life, his love life to be particular. Why couldn’t he just volunteer information? Why did I have to ask everything? Shouldn’t he have just understood that I would have liked to know?

But ultimately, I didn’t ask and he didn’t tell. The closeness that I had felt with him yesterday disappeared in a flash. I watched my step around him the rest of the day, hardly saying more than three words in a sentence.

If he noticed the sudden change in my demeanor, he didn’t comment on it. Sneha on the other hand, was all over it.

“What’s wrong??” She asked every five minutes.

“Nothing.” I replied stoically.

Once the evening was over, Dhruv tried to make amends, “I’ll buy you dinner.” He said.

“No thanks.” I said curtly as I got off the bus.

“Naina..” he cajoled me.

I didn’t even turn around. I kept my head high and walked straight. I was confused. I didn’t know what I felt for Dhruv. But it was clear to me he felt nothing.

I covered my face with my hand. What was happening to me? Not like I wanted to be with him right? or did I? This was like the worst thing ever, I couldn’t make head or tail of it. So I did the only thing that a girl does when she’s hopelessly lost.

I called my best friend. 

Bus#126W - Chapter 29

I glared at Arpit as I introduced Sneha to my parents and to Dhruv.

“Ah Sneha. So nice to meet you finally, I’ve heard so much about you.” He said in a tone, which implied several things.

To Sneha’s credit, she seemed unperturbed. She looked over me calmly and then back at Dhruv, “I’m sure you have.”

Arpit and I stood at a distance watching the exchange.

“Idiot! Why’d you get her?” I asked.

“What? You asked me to!” he looked extremely surprised that I was asking.

“I hate this.” I commented.

“Why? They seem to be getting along.” Arpit raised one eyebrow questioningly.

“Never mind.”  I walked towards Dhruv and Sneha, interrupting their conversation.

“Sure, I’ll be there. Just tell me when.” Sneha was saying.

“What’s going on?” I asked, a tad annoyed that Dhruv and Sneha were planning to meet up.

“Dhruv was just telling me about the organizations he’s taking you to tomorrow. He asked me to come along.” Sneha said, looking fondly at Arpit who was now standing beside her.

 “He did?” Both Arpit and I said together. I think both of us were a little jealous. I hadn’t wanted them to get along so well. Dhruv was my friend right? What did he think he was doing, fraternizing with the enemy.

I sulked through out dinner and much to my surprise, no one cared too much. Nobody seemed to notice that I was playing with my food, not uttering a single word. My parents were delighted that I had friends like Sneha and Dhruv. I guess, they thought this meant  that their socially awkward daughter had turned into a butterfly.

“You should both come over again soon.” My mum told Dhruv and Sneha as they made their way out.

“How come your mum never says that to me?” Aprit asked forlornly.

I shrugged indifferently. It was all his fault anyway.

I walked Dhruv till the gate and stood there for a couple of minutes in silence watching my mum fuss over Sneha.

“She’s not bad you know.” Dhruv said, interrupting my thoughts.

“I know. She doesn’t have to be bad for me to not like her.” I said curtly. I was tired of people telling me Sneha was nice. I knew that already.

“I think you’re jealous.” Dhruv said.

“Sorry?” I turned towards him, confused. “What nonsense, I’m not jealous!”

He laughed at my defiance, “I don’t mean romantically.”

I scoffed, “Like hell you don’t!”

“I just think she’s taking your quota of affection and attention. And it’s normal not to like it.” He said, starting to walk away.

I turned around and was about to walk back when he poked me with his cane. “Think about what I said.” He said, imitating me from before. “Goodnight Naina.”

I tossed the idea around in my mind for a while. How absurd!  

Arpit and Sneha came next, hand in hand. Something Arpit had said had made Sneha laugh and she was holding on to him, laughing uncontrollably.

“What’s the joke?” I asked, half smiling in anticipation.

“Forget it, you won’t get it.” Arpit said, looking at Sneha.

I nodded a little, hurt that he would say that too me.

“Thank you for having me Naina. Dinner was lovely.” Sneha gushed.

“No problem.” I said formally.

“I’ll drop her home and head back. Night Naina.” Arpit put on his helmet and went to get his bike leaving me and Sneha alone.

“Dhruv’s a nice guy.” Sneha said, making small talk.

“I know.” I said shortly.

“So, tomorrow, big day huh? I’m so looking forward to it. How nice of Dhruv.” She smiled broadly, trying to get me to talk.

Tomorrow was when Dhruv was taking us to the organization where he worked.

“I know.”

What was taking Arpit so long!

“So why don’t you like me Naina?” Sneha had dropped her happy go lucky attitude and was looking at me gravely.

“What? What gave you that idea?” I said, walking towards the garage. I was in no mood to have this conversation with her.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because you can’t say two sentences to me before running away!” she said, her voice raising as I hurried away from her.

I stopped and turned around. Her eyes were glistening with tears. “I have been nothing but nice to you. And all I get in return is this!” she continued. “What did I ever do to you? You’ve been so mean! I’ve tried to include you but you’ve never warmed to me.”

I gulped. I had never imagined Sneha would be so sensitive to what I thought about her.

“Look!” I said, starting to defend myself but I had nothing. No way I could justify it. Ultimately I told her the truth, “I don’t know.”

She laughed a little through her crying. “You don’t know?” She asked.

I shook my head, “I really don’t. Maybe I’m just jealous you know.” I walked towards her slowly, repeating what Dhruv had told me.

“You are what?” She had stopped crying now and was staring at me.

“Not romantically. Just that I miss some part of my friend.” As I said it, I figured some of it was true. Had to be. There was no other explanation.

A smile touched her face, “I guess. Arpit told me how close you guys were. But Naina, I really like him. He’s amazing.” She said, half sighing. The same way I had heard Arpit sigh when he was talking about Sneha.

I heard a loud engine noise and Arpit came out of the garage, looking like a clown with the oversized helmet and the yellow scooter.

“Yes he is.” I muttered in agreement and put my arm around her. 

Bus#126W - Chapter 28

Deserves? Deserved? A frown appeared on my face but Dhruv wasn’t looking at me. He was staring into space. He was reliving his own history.

I chose my next words carefully “So this girl, Priya, never knew that you felt this way?”

He gave a me a quizzled look, “Maya.” He corrected.

I smiled, “Not Sara?”

He nodded softly and looked straight at me, “Not Sara.”

“So, you changed her name and you used present tense.” I walked over to him, “You still like her?”

He shook his head, “No, it’s been way too long. We’re friends now. Like, like you and Arpit. And I don’t want to lose that too.”

I folded the letter and put it Dhruv’s shirt pocket. “I think you should give it to her.”

“Nah.. it would just complicate things. We’re good now. Talk regularly, hang out sometimes. Things are good. But I’ll hold on to this.” He touched his pocket slightly.

“Think about what I said.” I said ominously.

“And you?” He asked, “Why were you so curious?”

“Me? No reason, just a healthy curiosity about you.” I said quickly.

Quite out of the blue, he touched my hand softly, “Thank you.” He said.

I looked around, quite unnerved by him. I had never seen him this intense. I shook off his hand and stepped away. “What are you doing?” I asked cautiously.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out.” He put up his hands to indicate defenselessness. “Just wanted to thank you.”

“Whatever for?” I asked, surprised.

“You’re the first one, since Maya..” he started slowly, “who is interested in me, as a person.”

I didn’t say anything. I was too stunned to speak. I didn’t know what to make of it.

“Say something.” He said, his hand rubbing his neck trying to hide the embarrassment he was feeling.

“I don’t understand.” I was close to the door now. While we were talking about him, I was comfortable. Now that the topic of discussion was me, I was looking for an escape route.

“What I mean is, you’re good for my confidence. You know, the day you made me get up in the bus, remember?” I nodded, confused as to where this was going. “I was incredibly happy. I felt normal. I had been getting quite sick of all the pity I was getting.” He was smiling now, effortlessly.

“You know, you’re weird. Very weird.” I said what Arpit usually said to me.   

“See, this is what I mean. You don’t handle me with rubber gloves, afraid that I might feel bad or worried that you might hurt my feelings.” He said excitedly.

“Hey! I resent that!” I said vehemently.

He waved his hands in front of him as though trying to erase what he had just said, “You know what I mean right?” he asked eagerly.

I didn’t, but I didn’t feel like breaking his enthusiasm.  Besides, I wanted this conversation to get over as soon as possible.

I nodded a little. “I think so.” I said slowly.

We sat around for a while, talking about something when someone knocked on the door.

“Its open.” I shouted.

My mum snuck her head in slowly, relieved to see we were laughing a little.

“Why don’t you stay for dinner Dhruv?” She asked.

Dhruv thought for a moment, “Sure, I would love to. Thank you!”

My mum smiled and then turned to me, “Why don’t you call Arpit also?”

I nodded half heartedly. I didn’t want to call him, but explaining to my mum why I didn’t want to call him would be difficult.

I dialed Arpit’s number. I was very aware that mum and Dhruv were listening in. So I kept the conversation cryptic. After I hung up, I wasn’t really sure whether he had understood at all, because all he kept saying was “Huh??”

I figured out after an hour that he clearly hadn’t understood what I had been trying to convey because he didn’t come alone. Next to him, smilingly brightly was Sneha.

Bus#126W - Chapter 27

The door opened suddenly and my mum walked in with two glasses of nimbu pani.

“I just thought you kids would like something to..” She paused when she saw me standing next to Dhruv solemnly, my hand on his shoulder.

Almost immediately, I withdrew my hand and stepped away.

She cleared her throat, placed the glasses on the table and walked away slowly. I guess she sensed that we were in the middle of a very sensitive discussion.

“Would you like some?” I asked Dhruv as I took a sip out of a glass.

“Sure.” I handed him the glass quietly. I didn’t want to talk about things which upset him. What was I trying to achieve anyway?

“So, Sara was there throughout the painful physio sessions.” He continued as though nothing was wrong.  “She was so convinced that I would heal and become completely normal. She pushed herself and me beyond any limits.”

He paused to take a deep breath. His hand tightened around the glass for a moment and then the all familiar smile appeared on his face.  “Sorry, I get a little caught up in the moment sometimes.”

“You certainly are very calm about the whole thing.” I said, putting on an air of casualness. If he could do it, so could I.

  I sat down on the floor, hugging my knees.

He took a big gulp, “I’ve had lots of practice.” He said.

“Not enough clearly,” I said referring to his reaction a moment ago.

“This is good. Can I have some more?” He said, changing the topic subtly.

“Here, take this.” I handed him my glass. I was way too lazy to go make another glass for him.

“So where were we?” he asked, taking the glass from me. Before I could answer, he continued, “Oh yeah, ”The physio. Well, it was crazy, and I snapped. I didn’t want to do it anymore. It was just too bloody hard. But she pushed and pushed and pushed till I couldn’t take it anymore. I told her to leave me alone.” He put his head down, as though he was ashamed and then looked back me and smiled. A smile, which wasn’t a smile at all.

“And she did?” I asked, my voice a whisper.

“Yeah. I don’t recall correctly but apparently I said a whole lot of things to her. Unforgivable things.” He sighed deeply. “I wrote that letter hoping she knew what I said was in the heat of the moment.”

“But you never gave it her?”

He pursed his lips and half turned away from me. “She deserves better.” He said simply.