As Good As It Gets - 13 - Uncertain Times

I walked fast, unsure of where I was heading, blinded by the tears that were streaking down my face. I heard him call out after me. I didn’t stop.

A car pulled up beside me.

“Get in the car Anagha.” He ordered.

“No..” I shook my head slowly “ I told you, I’m not coming home with you.”

“I don’t care, but if you think I’m going to let you wander around in the middle of the night, you’re out of your mind. Now get in the car!”

Meekly, I got in the car.

“So where should I drop you?” He asked once I was in.

I looked up, surprised. I had assumed he would drop me home and go stay with his friends.

“Oh no.” He had understood what my look had meant. “You’re the one who wants this. You stay somewhere else.”  He looked me straight in the eye.

“Fine. Drop me at Ann’s” I knew Ann was home alone for a couple of weeks.

“Does she know you’re coming?”  

I stayed silent.

“Call her. She might have other plans.”

I wish he’d stop being so nice. It made me feel like such a bitch.

“She’ll be free.” I said stubbornly.

He stopped the car. “Call her, otherwise we are not moving another inch. God Anagha! Why do you have to be so childish at times?” He sounded exasperated.

I glared at him, I knew he was right. But I just didn’t want to listen to him. I needed reasons not to like him, he wasn’t giving me too many and I hated him for that. Instead of being angry about what I had said and creating a scene, he was being all nice and caring. I was having trouble remembering why I had fought with him in the first place. Was it about his disinterest in me or my frustration with the monotony of our lives or about Anurag?

Reluctantly I called Ann, she was free and very concerned. I didn’t give her any details over the phone.

He drove in silence. I did not dare to disturb him. I didn’t want to make him lose his temper again. I rubbed my arm gently, where he had grabbed me.

I heard my husband sigh and touch my elbow gently and inspected my arm, He grimaced when he saw the angry red welts.

“God, I’m sorry Anagha. Did I hurt you?” he asked in an apologetic tone.

I shook my head. I had been hurting on the inside for over a year and he hadn’t noticed.

Ann opened the door for me. I stepped in, shoulders straight, head held high. As I heard the car drive away, all the toughness disappeared and I collapsed in Ann’s arms, sobbing hard.

“Shhh.. What happened Anagha? One hour back you guys were fine.” She wiped my tears and let me inside her house.

“I don’t know what to do Ann. Do you think I’m making a mistake?” I looked up at her. One word from her, and I would go back home  And she knew it.

She came around and put her arms around me. “I am sorry Anagha, but that’s a decision that you have to take on your own.”

She was right as always.

“I know, I am just so confused. Why did I bring it up today? He was being so nice today. But something in me was just screaming out. That something was just not right! I mean, today he was showering me with love and affection, but tomorrow, tomorrow it’ll all be over. He’ll get involved with something, I’ll get busy with something and I don’t want to do that. I married him for a reason and it’s almost as though that reason has ceased to exist. ” I fiddled with the glass of water Ann had placed in my hand.

“Anagha.. Don’t take a decision today, you’re upset. Tomorrow morning, ask yourself the same question. If the answer’s the same, then that’s what you want. Then you have to decide whether you want to do something about it. Don’t be hasty.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Do you still love him?” She asked suddenly.

I looked away. I didn’t know anymore.