As Good As It Gets - 4 - Friends? Lab Partners? or Nothing?

Back then, all I had wanted was Aditya’s attention. Aditya on his part, seemed content with talking to me just on Mondays. His behavior bewildered me. I had never quite met anyone like him. In the lab, he would lavish me attention, outside of it, he would ignore my existence. I didn’t know what to make of his indifference. It puzzled and hurt me. But every Monday, he would come by and make me forget about the one week that he had ignored me.

With exams nearing, I pushed Aditya out of my head. I wasn’t studious but I liked to keep my grades high.

We all sat in the corridor of our college, studying diligently. Suchitra sat next to me. Vikram, Meghna and Ann were studying . A classmate of ours Darshan, approached Suchitra for some help.

For the moment, I was alone in a crowd. I glanced across the corridor to where Aditya sat with his bunch of boisterous group of friends. He looked up, straight at me and winked. I felt the blood rising to my cheeks and quickly glanced down at my books pretending to study. Slowly, I raised my eyes and looked around to see if anyone had noticed his cheekiness.

Everyone seemed to be engrossed in their books studying some theorems, which suddenly didn’t seem so important anymore. A smile touched my face. I glanced back at Aditya who was laughing at my discomfort. I made a face at him and tried to focus on my books.

“What are you doing?” Suchitra was staring at me.

“Studying.. What else?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“That was not nothing.. Were you smiling at Aditya by any chance?”  I thought for a moment. Why should I keep secrets from my best friend, I nodded.

She laughed a little. “You and Aditya.. Who would have thought?”

I smiled. “It’s not like that. We’re just friends. Actually, not even that. We’re lab partners.”

She snorted, “Yeah, we’ll see.” And then after a pause. “Look, there he comes.”

I looked up, there he was, walking towards me. I held my breath and felt my pulse quicken. I looked down, to avoid eye contact and saw him walk right past me without a pause.

“Just lab partners huh?” Suchitra smiled at me.

“Hey Anagha?” I turned around to face Aditya.

“Huh?” That was the most intelligent thing I could think of saying.

“Give me your number na. I mean so that I can tell you when I’m not attending lab or maybe you can let me know when you are planning to bunk..” I was very conscious of the stares of all the people in the corridor.

Hesitantly, I rattled off my number to him but not before I got it wrong twice.

“Thanks.” He took off before I could react.

Needless to say, I screwed up my exam that day. I waited next to my phone the entire day, refusing to leave it even for a moment, but no message came.

I wanted him to text, and I didn’t want him to text. I sighed.

I didn’t know what I wanted then either.

As Good As It Gets - 3 - Back to Reality

I woke up with a start. I hadn’t even realized when I had fallen asleep. I rubbed my eyes and stretched luxuriously. My hand fell on the empty pillow on my side. My husband was missing. I heard some clattering outside. I relaxed and allowed myself a smile. He was out there, probably trying to churn out a good breakfast for me, like he used to earlier. I wanted to wait for him to come back and wake me up, but curiosity got the better of me.

I tiptoed across the bedroom, into the hall. The kitchen door was closed. I placed my ear on the door and heard him pull some strings softly on his guitar. I stood there, mesmerized. Just as I had, the day he had first played for me.

Then I heard him talk, “Well, what do you think?”

How had he known I was there! I was about to push the door open when he continued, “Yeah. I know I need to work on the chorus. Okay.. Got it.”

I stepped back. He was talking about work. My husband was a freelancing musician. His ultimate goal was to become a successful music director, but for the time being, he was content making money selling jingles.

I turned around quietly and got back in bed. The phone calls had started coming in, my parents, my in-laws, my friends, colleagues. I thanked them politely and hung up as soon as I could.

I just wasn’t in the mood.

Finally my husband entered the room. Tray in hand. A flower in a vase decorated the tray. A smile touched my face. He came over and pecked me on the forehead.

“Happy Birthday Anagha..” He placed the tray on my lap.

“Thank you, for this..” I indicated towards the tray.

He placed a hand on my cheek, “Enjoy your breakfast.” With that he got off the bed and started getting ready.

“Wait,” I asked, surprised. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

“Sorry, have to get this tune out of my head. Going down to the studio. What are your plans? I’m sure your girls will come over.”

I cast my eyes downwards, afraid that my eyes will betray the disappointment I felt.

“Yeah, I guess.”

He tossed a small gift wrapped box at me.

“Almost forgot your birthday gift,” He said with the crooked smile I adored.

“When will you be back?” I asked, clutching the box tightly in my hands.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before your birthday gets over.” He winked at me. It was supposed to be a joke, but I completely missed the humor there.

“Have a good time!!” He called as he shut the door behind him.

I picked up my tray and went to the kitchen. I saw some delivery boxes and a bill. He had ordered in.

I threw out the food and fixed myself some cereal. I called Ann. Unlike the others, Ann never offered any judgment. Sometimes, its nice to crib about someone without being judged about it.

True to herself, Ann offered no judgment. She didn’t even react when I told her about Anurag’s offer.

“If he’s going to make you feel happy, go.. Its just a lunch. No need to feel guilty about it.” She advised. I nodded to myself.

“And in the evening, we are going out! Okay? We haven’t done that in such a long time.” True, our lives had got us so busy that we hardly met up.

“Anagha?” She called my name.

“Ya.. I’m listening.”

“It’s going to be alright, every relationship goes through bad patches.” I walked into my room and spotted the gift wrapped box.

“Ann, he got me a gift.” I picked up the box.

“See. He didn’t forget your birthday. What did he get?” I pulled out  the wrapping. Inside it was a tiny blue color box.

“I think it’s jewelry.”  I said

 “Oh my god, what is it?” Ann was more excited than I was.

I opened the box carefully. In it lay an exquisite pair of diamond earrings.

“Oh wow Anagha! That’s awesome! What more do you want??”

“Ann, I’ll call you back later okay..” I quickly hung up and tried on the earrings.

What more did I want? I wish I knew..

As Good As It Gets - 2 - The College Days

I remember walking inside my class in college, I had joined a couple of days late. I was nervous, but I tried not to show it. I held my head high and walked in, confidence exuding from me. As I glanced around the class to find a suitable place, I made a note of people I thought I could hang out with. Of course, I checked out the guys too.  I crinkled my nose in disappointment. None of them matched my high standards.  I sank in my place and smiled at the girl next to me.

Like people sort out potential boyfriends/girlfriends, I sorted out friends. At first meeting, I could tell whether our wavelengths were going to match or not.

Her name was Suchitra, she seemed shy and hesitant. At the back of my mind I thought, Never gonna work.

She was exceedingly pretty, but she kept her glance down. I quickly lost interest in her, and looked at the girl sitting on the bench in front of ours. Already, she seemed to have made a big circle of friends. Spunky and easy going, she seemed to be charmer. I warmed to her, like every one else. She was Meghna, she introduced with a bright smile. I was ever so glad to find her amidst the group of girls I knew I would never be able to hang out with. Meghna also introduced me to a close friend of her Ann.

Despite all odds the four of us became steadfast friends. We were inseparable. And I didn’t feel the need to know anyone till I saw him. He was different. I didn’t know why, but he just stood out.. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen him earlier in the class. I couldn’t have missed him, could I? No.. Even I wasn’t so self absorbed that I would have missed noticing him. Must be new, I thought.

He seemed immune to the blatant glances of admiration he was getting from all the girls in the class. As a rule, I never chased guys. I never made the first approach, I never made the first phone call, I never let on that I had any interest in the guy.

I would have passed on this guy too, as a passing fancy but for that smile. It hit me like sunshine the day we were in the lab for the first time.

He occupied a place next to mine, which had been vacant ever since we joined college.

“Hey, I’m Aditya. What’s your name?” And then he had smiled. I didn’t know it, but that instant, my life turned. I wasn’t the same after that. Ever.

I recovered from the smile and answered after a pause, “Anagha..” I smiled back at him.

He mock saluted me. I remember thinking that he was the coolest boy in class. I waited for him to ask me for my number, but he didn’t. He probably had scores of girl’s numbers. I pushed his thoughts out of my head.

But every Monday, there he was, next to me, giving me a momentary feeling of joy.

Meghna noticed my infatuation with the lab. “What’s so great about it?” She asked me one day when I was running to make it on time.

“Nothing.” I said, flashing her a smile.

“Oh no missy!” She grabbed my hand, “I know what that smile is for? Who is he???!” We had hardly known each other for a couple of months, but already she could read me like a book.

“Nothing.” I tried to break away from her grip but I couldn’t. “Let me go!” I yelped.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A tall, lanky guy stood at the door, regarding us with grave eyes.

“Hey Vikram.” Meghna knew the entire college. I smile awkwardly.

“Anagha Vikram, Vikram Anagha.” Meghna introduced us.

“So, what’s going on? I’ve been waiting for you for ten whole minutes.” He accused Meghna. Ten minutes! I had missed ten whole minutes of lab. I squirmed in Meghna’s grip.

“Oh let her go!” Vikram was laughing at my expense. Reluctantly, Meghna let go and I raced to the lab. Out of breath, I looked inside, panting heavily. Aditya’s place was vacant. I dropped my bag, cursing myself under my breath. Of course, he could decide to bunk the lab anytime.

I picked up my bag, I didn’t think I could get through the class without having him around.

“There you are..” I turned around, amazed to find Aditya leaning against a wall. “Thought you weren't going to come today.” He said.

“Why aren’t you inside?” I asked, confused.

He smiled, making me go week in the knees, “What would I do in there without you?” 

As Good As It Gets - 1 - The Disappointing Birthday

I lay on my bed, wide awake. The clock was just striking twelve. I stole a glance at my phone remembering the days when calls at twelve were mandatory on birthdays. I got out of bed feeling restless and stood in the balcony feeling the cool breeze on my skin. I shivered involuntarily.

There was a time someone would put his arms around m me to keep me warm. I turned around and went inside and looked at the figure on the other side of the bed. My husband. We had been married  for almost five years and now, it seemed the novelty of marriage had worn off.

I sat at the edge of the bed recalling my last birthdays. The first year it was a sudden impromptu weekend getaway, the next year it was a surprise party, the year after that, we had a quiet rushed dinner because I had an important meeting to prepare for and then last year, he was away on a business trip and I spent my birthday all by myself.

 We both worked very hard to sustain our lavish lifestyle and that didn’t leave us with much time for each other. We had managed for five years, but what had my life reduced to? Working and sleeping. I had tried to cut down on my work so that I could be home more often, but what was the point? He was never there.

I walked over to the mirror and stared at the reflection in the mirror. My hair was in a disarray, dark circles under my eyes, patches on my skin. I touched my face gently, chiding myself for not taking care of myself. Maybe that’s why he’s drawing away from me? I was toying with idea when my cell phone vibrated. In the silence of the night, the sound seemed magnified. I made my way to the side of the bed, careful not to disturb him.

I flipped my phone open. It was Anurag. Subconsciously,  I ran a hand through my hair to smoothen it.

 I glanced at my husband guiltily and then felt silly for feeling guilty, there was nothing to feel guilty if an attractive man texted me at midnight to wish me.

“Hey gorgeous, Happy Birthday! Lets catch up if you are free sometime.” I smiled despite myself.  Anurag was my colleague in my previous company. We had kept in touch despite a change in job and city. Sure, we flirted harmlessly but we had never ventured to the darker side. I was happily married. Was I?

I didn’t reply. I didn’t need more complications.

I settled back into bed and leaned over. I placed a hand on my husband’s hair ruffling it ever so lightly. My eyes opened in surprise when he reached up and grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on my palm.

“Happy Birthday..” he murmured. I smiled and before I could say anything he turned over and went back to sleep.

I bit my lip and collapsed on my bed, wiping away an unshed tear. 
I thought about how we had met, seven years back.. About how, despite all odds we had fallen in love..